He's lost interest
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He's lost interest
| Tue, 09-23-2008 - 11:28am |
Hi! I don't usually post on message boards, but I have an issue that has me perplexed and I was hoping someone could give me some good advice. I've been dating my boyfriend for about 10 months. In the beginning, the sex was incredible.
We basically live together but he hasn't moved all of his stuff in. We are looking to buy a home together and he just bought us a puppy. Lately, he has been distant in and out of the bedroom when it comes to getting down and dirty. It used to be a daily thing, he couldn't wait to get a piece of. In the morning, afternoon, or at night. Now, when I get home from work, he starts saying how tired he is and goes to bed early.

Welcome to the board, Virgogirl.
I think a lot of people have fluctuations in their libido, and there are also things that can contribute. Stress is a big factor -- like changes at work or living conditions, taking on new responsibilities, financial matters, etc. If he has problems with depression, the change of season can often initiate an onset that could affect his libido as well.
Most couples do slow their pace down after a while, so that would explain the all the time thing, but it doesn't usually make all of the interest get brushed aside.
A lot of people do find this sort of thing difficult to discuss. I definitely wouldn't sit back and wait for him to make all the moves. Usually the more sex gets put on the back burner, the more difficult it is to get it in focus. I would consider trying to talk with him about how you're feeling. Of course, that conversation should take place outside of the bedroom, when sex isn't on the table. Maybe just start a conversation by asking him if everything is okay. He may respond with something that helps you understand what's going on. If he just says things are fine and brushes the conversation off, ask him if he has noticed that the two of you don't seem to be having sex as often. Then just give him an opportunity to respond.
If the conversation progresses from there, be sure to not be accusatory in what you say. If he feels that you're blaming him, he'll likely shut down. Use statements about what you want or need (I need, or I would like ...), and be open to thinking of ways that both of you can put forth effort to getting back on track.
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Thanks for all the great advice. Last night went ok. I tried to keep the mood light. While I was cooking dinner he brought up the fact that he has been extremely tired and he was ready to go at it again.
I've been having some issues down south with auntie flo staying around longer than usual. As in, it's been almost two weeks now this month and it was about three weeks last month. (Been to the doc and everything about it)
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They can be difficult to find, but their website does have both on-line and brick & mortar retailers.
http://www.softcup.com/
When you visit their website, there's a video that begins playing and explains the product and how to use it. (You might want to be alone when you visit the site.)
Most people are able to have sex while wearing them, and they go unnoticed; however, if they aren't seated properly, he may feel it, or find it uncomfortable. Since you're clean and odor free, oral is fine, but I think you would need to feel comfortable and used to using the product before you want to venture there.
I definitely think they are worth giving a try! I know I've used them with great success ;-)
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