Need advise and need to vent!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2008
Need advise and need to vent!
3
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 10:09pm

This is my first post on this site, so Im not really familiar with the process, but I really needed a place to talk about something. First off, Im 33 and married with 2 children. My husband and I had always planned on a large famly, but my husband suffered an accident last year which left him sterile. We basically assumed we were done having children, but recently became very eager to have another child. It eventually got to the point that we decided we were going to make it happen. Adoption was not an option for us as my husband has a felony on his record from when he was 18, and after initiating the process we discovered it would be very difficult. We decided I would be insemenated, but at the last minute my husband rejected the idea, and said he didnt like the idea of our child being from a father he didnt know at all.


At this point I thought the process was over, but my husband came to me with the idea a few months ago that one of his co-workers was trasfering to Asia at the end of the month, and was single, and was a person my husband knew well and respected. He wanted him to get me pregnant, and felt ok with it since he was likely to basically be on the other side of the world as ridiculous as that sounds. Initially I rejected it, but as time went on we were both simply depressed over not being able to have another child, and the idea grew on me. I agreed, and ground rules were set and procedures outlined. We even had an attorney. I asked that he simply provide us with semen, and we would compensate him greatly. He refused this, and stated that he was under the impression that we would conceive via intercourse. It was obvious that he wanted to get sex out of it, but to be honest my husband and I didnt have a huge problem with that arrangement. We both understood that it was purely biological, and meant nothing else. We agreed and the following arrangement was set up:


-He was to meet at our residence, at a specific time. We would simply great each other if you will and move into our spare bedroom. I was going to wear sweat pants and a long sleeved shirt, and simply remove my pants and panties far enough for penetration, at which point he would penetrate me and continue until ejaculation. We scheduled it for my ovulation, and he agreed if I did not conceive that he would supply semen until I did, without intercourse.


Now for my venting. That night came, and the process began. It was incredibly awkward as I thought it would be. He was a fairly unattractive man and

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2007
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 11:24pm

First of all let me say congratulations on the new little one.


I can understand your wanting another child. There are lots of people who don't have the options to do what you did. I'm glad it happened on the first try.


I'm sorry that he was so rough with you. At least you won't have to go through that again.


The outcome will definitely be worth it, especially when you are holding that little one in your arms.


I'm glad that you had the foresight to go through an attorney and make sure that everything was done in a way that there would be no 'confusion' in the end by the other guy. He did his part and now the rest is up to you and your dh.


Please keep us posted on how things are going with you. We're here for you anytime to need to chat or vent.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 6:14am

Welcome to the board and feel free to vent, Jenna.

Congratulations on getting pregnant! I think you should focus on that -- it worked -- and about the future you'll be having with the baby.





iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 2:56pm
Just read your post and the replies. I am not sure what advice you need. You and your hubby obviously spent a lot of time thinking and discussing it. You have children already so it isn't like you don't know what you are getting yourselves into. Now that the impregnation has occurred, move on. I guess at this point it will be as if