mild domination

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2009
mild domination
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 9:26am

Hey this is embarassing for me to talk about but since I really dont like openly discussing my sex life with people that know me id figure id do it on here lol!

Well me and my husband have been together for 5 years. I have always liked wild sex like mild domination with spanking and hair pulling and being talked dirty too. I asked my husband if he would do stuff like that with me and he seems a little off with it. I dont know what to do I like just making love but sometimes I like it rough how can I pursay him to do this with me so hes into it also? I just need some advice because I love our sex life but I want more!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 9:35am
Welcome to the board, boredhousewife23. It's entirely possible that your DH just doesn't have it in him to be that dominant in the bedroom — not everyone does. It's also possible that he was a little taken aback by your request, didn't know how to react to it, and doesn't really know how he feels about it himself. If that's the case, then having him read this article might be helpful. Replace the '(dot)' with '.' to make the link work.

Domination for Nice Guys:


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 12:59pm
that sounds awesome my so loves that too hey id do it with you in a heartbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 9:38pm

Welcome to the board, boredhousewife23.

Have you tried talking dirty to him to see what sort of reaction you get form him? Maybe start there and see if he opens up to it at all.

I know my DH isn't into things like hair pulling or anything painful, but I have gotten him to realize that a good spank or two can be a turn on for both of us. Encourage him to try that during doggie position, with just a swift smack when he starts getting near the edge himself. It can be an eye opener :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2009
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 1:44am

My wife likes being dominated. Not sure what the difference is between mild and plain old domination. She seems to really like to be tied up. She likes to be told what to do. She really seems to like it If I hold her hands above her head. She likes having her hair pulled some. She likes some spanking. She still likes it even once my hand hurts. She likes me to playact raping her, even. I know she doesn't like it if I ask permission to have sex with her, ever, under any circumstance.

I admit, I've never been one to ask. I do, and figure she will complain if she doesn't want it, and go along with enthusiasm if she does want it. I told my wife, before we got married, what turned me on was an enthusiastic sex partner. She delivered that, until after we had been married a while. Then she confused me when she didn't complain and didn't go along with enthusiasm, and I ground to a halt wondering what was going on.

The whole dominating thing actually turns me off. It took a while, but I did get to the point I can keep my interest up and satisfy her desire to be dominated. So, until lately, we would spend a half hour or so getting her excited, and she would come a time or three, then she would pretend to be somewhat enthusiastic for me. It worked well for about 30 years. Unfortunately about three years ago things went south, but maybe we'll get back on some sorta track someday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2008
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 11:52pm
You are not alone. A few years ago I discovered that this also excites me and that I would like to try it. I shared this fantasy with my dh in hopes that he would be willing to give this a try. He doesn't get it. He has given a few attempts at it, but hasn't quite gotten it right. I know that his big hang up is that I'm his wife and he doesn't want to hurt me. I just wish I had never discovered that this is something I want because I have come to the realization that I just won't ever get this.
I've typed up my fantasy of what I would like him to do, and that helped a little. But he stopped short of what I needed. I'm thinking about having him read the article, but I don't want him to think I'm pushing it.
Maybe I should just get over this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2009
Sun, 12-27-2009 - 2:49am

If it's something you want, and your husband could possibly give it to you, you should never have to just get over it. Sure, it might be tough for him to figure out what to do, but he better get with it.

I certainly don't understand what my wife wants, but I try. I wish she would try to tell me in some way what she wants, but she doesn't. Still, I try, damn it. And your husband(s) should to.

That's my opinion, anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 5:31am
I am reverse.
Born to Live.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2009
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 2:45pm

Dear Miss,

I am one of those husbands who would do anything for DW, but sometimes I just don't know what it is!!

I am not a dominator, and she has never requested that, but I have a suspicion that it would be really good for her.

The thing you have typed you suppose you could either post it or email it?

It would be a big help to me.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 12-29-2009 - 7:58pm

I would tell you don't give up on it. Don't push it but don't give up.
Its taken me a long time to overcome the difference between supplying her need to be dominated in the bedroom vs out. I can now turn into that dom that she wants in the bedroom. Spanking, bondage, taking her by force, hair pulling and tit torture.
Its been 11 years since she first mentioned it and I was uncomfortable with it for the same reasons that you present, but we kept pushing a little further until we are to the point where I can take her tie her up and command her to perform acts on me and when I am sufficiently pleased with her submission I spank her and then take her forcibly.
She loves it and becomes pure putty to me.
Its become great for us.



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 1:10pm

There's something to this for sure. My bf is a very nice guy but he is extremely bossy in the bedroom. He will tell me what to wear and exactly what to do and will put me in any position he feels like. It's not even role-playing -- that is the way he is. I never had a lover like that and I imagine it's from his prior experiences that he is that way. It is just the man/woman thing pulled to a higher tension. He will never let me open a door or get my fingers dirty. Whether this is chivalrous courtesy or something darker, I really don't know, but I treat it as the former.

Anyway, I find the combination of being treated as his sex toy and him being extremely, extremely nice to me in other parts of our life to be very fun and healthy. I don't have any self-esteem issues or anything else; I just like it.

On the downside, he can be an *incredibly* selfish lover. It is all -- and I mean ALL -- about his penis. There's lots and lots and lots of foreplay in his direction but none in mine, ever, aside from kissing. Most times he does not have any contact with my V other than with his erection. What is wierd is, that is okay. Even his selfishness has become a turn-on and at this point I find that I crave it.

At any rate, I find it really amazing to just give up my body to his pleasure ... it's fun to totally be his baby (he's twice my size and it really heightens the effect). It's hard to describe but the buzz it creates is amazing!