Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Help!
1
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 11:59am

I've been a member for quite some time now and i've always gave advice whenever i could. I've never done this before and i think it's time that i get some advice. Heres the story:

My boyfriend and i have been going out for over 5 years. Long time. We were highschool sweethearts and i love him. But almost 2 years ago i moved to FL to just have a different life. He was supposed to come with me but he needed to finish his studies. He tried to transfer here *FL* but it was going to take him longer finishing here then back at home. So we decided that he was going to stay back home and finish and after his BA he would move with me and find a job here. The time finally came and he's been having a hard time deciding what to do. After graduation he came to visit me for a month in hopes that he'll apply and find a job here FL. He was offered some good jobs back home and he wasn't able to find a good paying job here. But i do have to admit that he wasnt' trying to hard to find a job. THe thing is that now he wants me to move back home and move in with him and his family until we had enough money to move out. *i dont get along too well with his family* But since i came here *FL* Ive been working hard trying to finish my studies and i'm expected to graduate in December. It took me almost a year to get back into my studies. I refuse to have to move again and transfer, making it longer for me to finish. I think it's unfair because i was able to wait for him and now that it's my turn, he's going back on his promise and making it a big deal to move here.
I don't know what to do. He has nothing holding him back back home but he says he doesnt want to abandom his family. He also said that he can have a good job by him and that he'll stay there save enough money and after i'm done he'll come here. But my thing is what if he really likes his job. Whats going to make him change jobs. I'm confused and i dont know what to do.

I need some advice anything helps. Thanks!




Edited 3/29/2005 1:10 pm ET ET by cobiana
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2005
In reply to: cobiana
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 12:31pm
It sounds like you and your boyfriend are on two different trains. His life and studies are his priority, your life and studies are yours. You are both trying to keep the relationship going, but you're not making it the main objective right now. If you don't get along with his family, by all means don't move in with them. If he feels guilty just moving away from them, if there is a disagreement he will have a difficult time standing by you. There are already some feelings of resentment from your side, aren't there? If you return home just to appease him those resentments will surely grow. Also, if he has changed the plan from the one you both agreed on in the beginning, what is going to stop him from changing the plans again once you uproot yourself and move back? I think you need to do what is best for you and forget about your boyfriend. If the relatonship matters he will be at your door before too long. If he doesn't matter, well it is time to move on. I think you have waited for him to grow up long enough. Good luck to you. Remember, this is just my 2 cents.