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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
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1
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 12:14pm

My boyfriend and i have been going out for over 5 years. Long time. We were highschool sweethearts and believe me that i love him. But almost 2 years ago i moved to FL to just have a different life. He was supposed to come with me but he needed to finish his studies. He tried to transfer here *FL* but it was going to take him longer finishing here then back at home. So we decided that he was going to stay back home and finish and after his BA he would move with me and find a job here. The time finally came and he's been having a hard time deciding what to do. After graduation he came to visit me for a month in hopes that he'll apply and find a job here FL. He was offered some good jobs back home and he wasn't able to find a good paying job here. But i do have to admit that he wasnt' trying to hard to find a job. THe thing is that now he wants me to move back home and move in with him and his family until we had enough money to move out. *i dont get along too well with his family* But since i came here *FL* Ive been working hard trying to finish my studies and i'm expected to graduate in December. It took me almost a year to get back into my studies. I refuse to have to move again and transfer, making it longer for me to finish. I think it's unfair because i was able to wait for him and now that it's my turn, he's going back on his promise and making it a big deal to move here.
I don't know what to do. He has nothing holding him back back home but he says he doesnt want to abandom his family. He also said that he can have a good job by him and that he'll stay there save enough money and after i'm done he'll come here. But my thing is what if he really likes his job. Whats going to make him change jobs. I'm confused and i dont know what to do. Theres more to the story im sure, but those are the main points.

I need some advice anything helps. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
In reply to: cobiana
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 1:04pm

Hugs. First, he should be willing to wait at least until you are done with school....as you waited for him.


However, if he doesn't and isn't willing....maybe it's time to ask yourself what has been keeping you together? Besides history?


I know there are many high school sweethearts that make it, but many don't. Why? Because, there are many many changes from the time you are in high school, to the time you graduate college, to the time you are in your mid-twenties. Sometimes, you grow apart, realize you want different things. Sometimes, you realize that love and history have been keeping you together, but not much more.


I would talk to him. Tell him how you waitied for him to finish school, and he should at LEAST be willing to do the same for you....to decide who moves where. Although, it sounds as though he's not going to be willing to move to FL. When you finish your studies, will YOU be willing to move back to where he is?


All I can say is....this is a hard time. You two can either compromise and find a solution, or realize it's time to move on cuz you want two different thigns. I'm hoping for the former.






my pet!