New Here - Ex Issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
New Here - Ex Issues
5
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 2:30pm

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this board and I just wanted to get your opinions/advice on issues with a so-called ex. Sorry if this is long. Here's the story.

I met Josh through mutual friends at a party a few years ago. When we started talking, it turned out that our families were aquaintences through our younger brothers hockey. Turned out, he just lived about 5 mins away from me. Although, we're both kinda shy, it was obvious that we had chemistry.

At the time, I was hanging out with a different group of girlfriends than I do now. We would go downtown often, always hanging out at our favourite bars, going guy-spotting. Even though I totally didn't intend it to, things with Josh became kind of a game, that I guess you would call the chase. I didn't see him that often but it was always fun to run into him and see what would happen. He was a really charming, with kind of a bad boy side that made him lots of fun. We hooked up a few times, but we never had sex. Things with him were mostly kind of a downtown thing, except he was going to the same university as me.

That is what makes this complicated. Josh was in a different program than I was, but we would still see each other about once a week in the halls. When I saw him at school, he was a lot more quiet and reserved than the 'Downtown Josh' I knew, but he was still super nice. He drove me to school a few times but we were both pretty shy, so we never bothered to plan dates or anything.

Afer the school year ended, I didn't see him anymore so we pretty much faded out of each others lives. That summer, in May 2002, I decided that I needed a change of pace,(a break from university) so I moved away to another city for just over a year. I had a great time out there, lots of fun, but when I came back I still wondered about Josh. Once in awhile, my friends would mention that they saw him and he asked about me, but we never ended up keeping in touch.

Since then, I've only seen Josh once. The summer I came home from being away, I ran into his mom, who asked what I was up to, job, school etc. She told me Josh was home for the summer but had switched to another university (about an hour away from the city)for a different program. She never mentioned any girlfriends, since our mom's just kind of stay out of that stuff. September of last year, was the last time I saw him, when he came to the store where I work (I work at a women's clothing store). Things were kind of awkward since we hadn't seen each other for awhile, but I could tell there was still a bit of chemistry.

I haven't seen him since then (he's been away at school and I'm done with the downtown scene for now), but I can't help but wonder what could happen between the two of us.

Please don't think I'm completly crazy. I know its probably wishful thinking on my part, but I can't help but wonder. I have tried to move on with my dating life, but the problem is in my mind, Josh is the perfect guy, I can see us together forever, but were not even close. I'm pretty picky and I don't date a whole lot, but any decent relationship I've had since then, I end up sabotaging because he's not perfect, he's not Josh. I know I'll get over this eventually, but I need closure. Please help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:15pm

I'm curious. Why haven't you called up Josh and talked to him, instead of finding closure by putting him out of your life, why not try getting closure, by giving him a chance? And if it doesn't work out, I bet you'll be able to let go easier.


Many times we hold onto a fantasy of who a person is. You have a fantasy of Josh. He is this perfect person in your head....when in real life, he could be the worst person for you.


My two cents, call him up, see what's going on in his life. You never know what can happen, and worst case scenario, he's not interested, or has a gf....you can move on easier, konwing you tried.


BTDT. got my "xbf" back and we realized we both had misconceptions of who we are and what our r'ship was like before. We changed and well, it wasn't working. Since then, I was able to let go.






my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:18pm
Welcome to the board.... Do you have an email address or his home? You can start by send him a hey what is going on letter. His parents may forward his mail to him in school or most students in a university has school email see if you can locate him through that. I see no problem with what you are thinking since there was no clousure. I would want to know so just a hey hows it going would not be bad.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 4:12pm
I think that you should "man up" and call him...what harm could it do. You can't just sit around and wonder all the time what things could have been like if you haven't even put one foot forward to seeing what could happen. If you wonder what things would be like, at least try to get in contact with him, shy or not, if you are always gonna wonder, you might as well give it a shot. As far as him being the "perfect guy", sorr, but no uy is perfect. I can definitly tell you that. I thought I had married the not necessarily the "perfect guy" but the "perfect guy for me" and he ended up cheating on me. So keep that preconceieved notion of how perfect things would be in the back of your mind, because that could only set you up to be let down
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 6:26pm

I have a guy like that in my life. We've known each other for a long time and we've flirted a lot over the years. We didn't talk on a regular basis, but I've always had feelings for him and every time I would start to get over him, I would run into him somewhere random. He called me a few months ago and we started talking a lot. We dated for a couple of months, but things didn't really work out because he had so many things going on he didn't really have time for me. I felt neglected, so I broke up with him. We're still friends, and I don't rule out a relationship with him in the future, but now doesn't seem to be the time for us.

You'll never really know if you could have a relationship with him unless you try it. If you do, I hope your relationship works out better than mine did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 7:57am

Then seek out your closure...and call him up!

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?