okay so were not moving intogether

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
okay so were not moving intogether
3
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 12:40pm
With much thought, and some very much needed advice, I decided not to move in with my boyfriend of 3 months. I would like to believe we are an exception , which we probably are but still, we are both only human, which means we are never perfect. So heres my dilema now, I told him that I sounded like a good idea, I would love to move in with him, this was before I even thought about it. Now I asked him if we could talk about it, explore all of the options. How do I make him comfortable with the fact that, even though I dont want to live with him,that doesnt mean I dont want to some day and we are just not ready..(those words didnt work, so can you give me a metaphor he can relate too..) I am so confused~!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 1:18pm

You can do the whole, "if it's meant to be, there's no point in rushing it" theory. lol. or how about, "why buy the cow when the milk is free" bit? Nah. Don't use that one.


I would jsut sit him down, tell him you DO want to move in with him, but that you want to be SMART about your decisions....and have them based on more thigns than convienance. It should be about planning a future together...more than just words. ie. maybe being closer to being engaged, etc.


Maybe even say, "we have a lot more to learn about each other.....and there's so much more to discuss before I'm ready to move in.....however, after time, I know we'll cover a lot of that stuff and one day, it'll be right. Right now, it's too soon".


I mean, even saying it's only been 3 months should be enough of a reason. Hugs and good luck.





my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 3:16pm
Just let him know that you're decision to not move in together has nothing to do with how you feel about him, and everything to do with wanting things to take their course and not rush it. I mean, 3 months is really fast! There's value in getting to know each other first without forcing it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:49pm

...how about using your screen name to help out? I mean, "Ang is still young"-- makes sense to me, why rush things, yes, but also...maybe add to that-- you need to develop as an independent person first, before you can be part of a unit as you would when you start living together. I would just make sure you point out that you're not saying you want to play the field, etc, that you want to be committed in your relationship, but that there is a certain independence and self-assuredness that one gains from living alone for a while. In other words, that you don't want to have to depend on each other, but rather be fully functioning individuals that are together because of WANT, not "need", kwim? I don't know, I could be wrong, but I think when you move in together too quickly, there is the potential for a certain amount of codependency...and also to fall into "married" roles too quickly. JMO.
HTH, and best wishes to you!


~V