online dating? q

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
online dating? q
9
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 2:37am
well its not really a dating question but close. I met this guy on Xbox Live (i know dumb) in December and we ahve been talk ing daily for hours ever since. I know now that I am in love with this guy and feel kind of foolish sice I've never believed in the whole online romance thing. I plan to go visit him in June or august of tis year but theres a few issues. I've been in a realtionship that during the past two years has been honestly really bad and unhappy and my boyfriend doesnt know why I'm going to California (I live in R.I.). Also the guy is underage I'm only 19 and he's 16 which is honestly not that big of a difference but my friends and mother have already chided me on this. I know that he has feelings for me its really aggrivating to me because I feel something when I talk to him that I've never felt w/ my boyfriend (also babys father and former fiance) of 4 yrs. I guess i dont really have any real set question just seeking some sort of opinion or any input on how to proceed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 8:07am

First of all, I would say you need to check on age of consent in that state. He is 16 & you 19 and you have a child. Well, I was 16 before and when my friends had children I couldn't imagine what all it took to raise a child. I have a 14 y/o at home and he has friends in the 14-16 age range and no of those boys are ready for a real relationship. They are very much into their video games, hanging out with each other and yea maybe talking to the girls but see nothing long term.


Online dating, there are rules to online dating and one of them is you can not be in love with someone you have never met. You do not know him. You know who he is online. When you meet there is no gaurantee he will be physically attracted to you. Even if he has saw a picture. Go to the online dating board there are people who talk via web cam for months and swear there is something there but once the in person meeting happens it does not go that way because people need chemistry.


I hope you do not think I am being harsh but this just does not seem like a good idea to me. You have a child at home and family. If your current relationship isn't working then take a break from that and focus on your family and yourself and where you want to be in 10 yrs. Trust me it is for the best. I had my son at 19 and though I stuck in the bad relationship if I had someone to tell me then it would have saved me years of heartache and therapy for myself and my child.


Good luck on what you decide. I will try to post about meeting people online. Here is a few things. http://members.tripod.com/cl-jhoover21-ivil/id38.html


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 10:36am

I have to agree with Marie. I have been in enough online r'ships to realize, half the time, they're not real, you MAKE it real.


Also, in the State of California, the age of consent is 18. Therefore, if you even have sex with this boy, you can be charged with statutory rape. At 19 with a child, I highly doubt you'd want that.


You THINK you're in love, but you're not. You can't love someone TRULY w/o having ever met them, or spent time around them. I don't mean to sound harsh, and honestly, it doesn't have anything to do with your age.


Btw, if you move to CA, what are you going to do? Date a high school junior? Wait two years for him to be old enough to engage in sex? MAYBE have to wait for him to go thru school, college, etc?


My two cents, take time away from your bf, take care of yourself and your child. Think about the child's future, not your feelings for a boy you have never met. I'm sorry, but at 19, you shouldn't be chasing after 16 year olds that live across the country. Even if you moved to CA, it's not like you could live with him. and at age 16, i HIGHLY doubt his parents would like you very much, would like their son to play daddy to someone else's child, etc. At 16, he is a MINOR. PERIOD. Just keep telling yourself that.


And remember.....do you really want to be cited with statutory rape? or even endangerment of a child. or any other child related crime?






my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 1:45pm

HI there and welcome...


I apologize in advance if you think I'm being harsh...but your question really isn't about online dating, it's about stautory rape.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 8:42pm
I appreciate the input. I just would like to say my mother married a guy from the internet she nevre met 5 yrs ago and they r very happily married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 7:42am
Look at your mothers age, dating experience, and wisdom. That makes a big difference. How long have you been dating? How many people? What do you feel is the most important thing in a relationship? Where does this 16 y/o see his self when he graduates? Does he want to go to college, where will he go? If you were to move to be closer to him where would you live? How will you both maintain a relationship so long distance for atleast the next two years? Are you willing to do all the traveling to see him? How important is physical activity with the one you love to you? What about his prom? WIll you be footing the bill for all the long distance call? What do you do for a living now? Where do you see yourself in 5 yrs? There is so many dynamics that the main focus of everyones post was not because you hadn't met but his AGE. Your age and though it is fine with you now when it comes to talking about teen stuff. But, in reality you are a mother where will he fit in on that? Maybe you should enlighten us on why you feel it can work.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 8:58am
Are you saying that she married him immediately upon meeting him?

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2005
Fri, 04-01-2005 - 9:30pm
My mother married him 2 weeks after he moved here. In my case I really dont see the problem as being his age though I understand the law. His parents know about me and dont disapprove, so I assume there wouldnt be an issue in that respect.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 6:35pm
I think it would be a good idea for you to meet him in person before you start agonizing over anything. You might find that you two have no chemistry and that he is not whom you thought he was and that would be that. On the other hand, you might find that he is everything you ever wanted and he feels the same about you. Then you'd have to take a good hard look at your life and ask yourself what you have to do to have a happy, safe and secure life for you and your daughter and if this boy is going to detract or support you in your goals.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Sun, 04-03-2005 - 1:34pm
I'm sorry, but this sounds like a case of the fruit doesn't fall from the tree. Your mom has totally set you up for failure in life with her own behavior. This sounds like a family off of a talk show. Mom marries internet date after 2 weeks in same town, daughter has baby at 15 and then has online relationship with 16 year old when she's 19. It's a vicious cycle - I hate to hear what your kid ends up like if you continue to follow this path. If you don't want to live this kind of Jerry Springer life only you can lift yourself up. You need to go to or finish school, get a good job, and focus on 'love' last. You should be watching out for your child at this point and not yourself. When you had a kid your responsibilities automatically shifted from yourself to your child. Flying to CA to go visit some kid in high school shouldn't even remotely be in your line of sight - especially one you met through freakin' Xbox (the more I think about this, the more bewildered and outraged I get - what the hell is going on in this country?).