re: signs.. but i need some major help!!
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| Fri, 04-01-2005 - 10:04pm |
hey its me again.. i posted earlier about the signs.. maybe you guys are right, that i overreacted when i saw his name on the maury show and on the construction sign.. but really his name isnt very common... and about the song that i heard on the radio was All my Life, by Kci and Jojo.. its a good song, but i think its a little out of date.
anyway.. i wanted to write back again because i am having some trouble with this guy.. still even tho its been like 4 months after our breakup... i will fill you in as much as i can...
me and my man started dating oct. of 2002.. we were inseperable. seriously, we didnt go a day without seeing eachother or talking for about year and a half. me and him were very much the same.. he was probably a spittin image of me, if i were a guy. our friendship was great. i could tell him anything and i knew he wouldnt tell anyone. he was my best friend and if i had a problem, i would run to him. last fall he and i went to college. we went to different schools.. he stayed at his, and i commuted. we stayed strong for a while, but soon he turned jealous and i felt like he couldnt trsut me. he constantly would be wondering where i was, and what i was doing. it was annoying at times. he would get mad if a guy in my class would ask me for help.. i mean it was that ridiculous. anyway.. it got to the point where my parents started hating him and so did all my friends. i was forced to break it off with him.. probably one of the hardest things i had ever done. i felt like it was the "right" thing to do.. but it didnt feel "right" because after all.. he was my best friend.. i mean our relationship was very serious.. we talked about marriage and me transfering schools so we could go to the same college and even live together. it broke my heart to do this to him. i tried to explain to him that i didnt exactly want to do it.. but i see now why my parents forced me. he realyl didnt have an ambition.. i mean he was at college but had no idea what he wanted, his grades werent the best, and he drank a lot (was a mean drunk) and he also called me names and made me cry atleast 3 times a week.. i didnt see these things til now.. and i didnt see them then because i was in love with him. anyway.. we broke it off. at the same time we were going thru this, i met a new guy... he was like my comfort zone. we started out friends and then one thing lead to another and i couldnt help but fall for this guy because he had everything my ex didnt have.. like hes playing ball in college, wants to go into business, has his grades up, and he knows how to treat me.. always paid for me if we went out, opens my doors, he is sexy too :P he is just a gentleman..
okay the reason why i am telling you all this, is because last night me and my ex got into a fight. this is basically how it went..
i hadnt talked to him for a week.. i went on spring break and i just got back and i wanted to say hi cause i hadnt heard from him in a while (keep in mind we are still friends)
well he mentioned something along the lines "you moved on way to fast" okay yeah i guess i did move on a little fast but it wasnt like i planned on it, it just happened. my ex took our breakup extremely hard.. porbably worse than me. and after our break up he went to a club with some girls and then all of a sudden started hanging out, serioulsy with 15 different girls from his school. yeah i was a lil jealous, but i have my new guy. i think mainly i was mad because i knew that wasnt him.. i knew the real him wouldnt be in a freakin club.. thats not him at all (he cant dance) anyway.. i told him i wasnt the only one that moved fast.. and then he got angry..
we started to get into it.. adn he told me that he regreted 2 things when we were together. 1) he should have been nicer to his mom before he went to college (which i can see that) and 2) he regrets breaking up with his ex girlfriend (the one before me)
that really hit me hard because he knows how much i hated that girl.. you dont even understand.. she was physco and would text his cell and be like.. "i want you".. grr... anyway.. i told him i didnt regret anything. and honestly i dont. i told him i met an amazing friend out of all this and i wouldnt take back anything. i told him i loved him for making me a better person and for helping me be stronger. he was like "you still love me?" i was like "yeah i do, why wouldnt i? you were my best friend for a very long time. i may not love you as a boyfriend anymore, but i love you as my friend. you are the only person that knows me well enough to know that i run away from my problems.. let me ask you this, where do i run to?" he was like "it use to be me" i told him it still is him.. cause recently my gpa got really sick and i needed someone to talk to, so i went to him. i asked him if he still loved me and he said "no" i was like.. "you act like i ruined your life.. you act like you hate me." he said "hate isnt the word for it".. thats when i lost it.
i really dont know what to think.. and its hard. yes i have a new guy.. he is wonderful, but the thing me and him lack that that friendship bond i had with my ex. i feel like a part of me was ripped out last night and im very stressed out. you may think i havent fully moved on.. but i feel like i am.. its that friendship thing that i cant seem to let go of and its killing me. and i dont know if i should just let this go, or what??
someone please help me out. i really need someone to talk to because i cant talk to my boyfriend about this.. and i really dont want my girlfriends to know how i feel...
thanks a bunch, jen

Cheer up! I can tell you that most of the time guys don't stick around to be your friend. Now, I'm speaking from my experience of course. I had the "first love" relationship that lasted for 4 years. Like you and he, we were also inseperable. We spent hours and hours together, talking, crying on each other's shoulders, shopping together, etc. I, like you, THOUGHT this man was my best friend. He was the first person I'd call about something I needed to talk about. We spoke of marriage babies the whole future thing. Well, long story made short. He found someone he liked at work, called me out of the blue one day to say basically "I'll see ya, I like this girl" to top it off he said "if this doesn't work out....I'll be with you"
I'll be the first to say this was terribly difficult, all of the sudden I had NO ONE. I had already shut every one else out of my life because I was around him so much. I cried and cried. What do you know, he didn't call me to see how I was doing. In fact, I didn;t hear from him for almost a year!!! What a friend!
I'm married to someone else now and it's been about 4 years since out breakup. It took about 2 years to completly stop thinking about him(like you watching tv, seeing signs that reminded me of him) It takes time. I dont hate him, we still keep in touch through email, we've both moved on. I truly believe he and I have a mutual special place in our hearts for each other, but things change. You will never have him back like in the past. If you are no longer in a relationship, don't expect that he will be your best friend. Move on and find another friend. He's probably being kinda rude right not because he needs his space. You just broke up, he wants to live his new life. Maybe in the future after things heal you can have some contact, but it will never be as intense obviously.
Sorry this happened to you, but you need to try to move on the best you can. I wouldn't contact him at all as much as that hurts. Sorry so long....