completely unhappy any one else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
completely unhappy any one else?
5
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 11:47am
I am 22yrs old and my boyfriend is 32. i got pregnant the first time we had sex. no we didnt use a condom. i don't know why. we had sex the first time we met. i had just come out of a really bad marriage and was looking for some fun and someone to make me feel good. we met on the internet talked and emailed for awhile then decided to meet. it was a very risky thing. it just seemed so right from the first time i layed my eyes on him. i felt so close to him and so commfortable. he was great in the beginning. he would rub my feet and back talk to me and tell me about stories of his life, then we moved in together after i found out i was pregnant. he said he wanted to do the right thing and take care of me and the baby. it was great we spent alot of time together. it has really been a fast relationship. but then it turned into something completely different i started doing everything for him. i excepted it in the beginning because i don't work. but now i feel like a slave or a maid.Now I am 29 weeks pregnant. and i feel that he doesn't care about me or my baby. i am not sure what to do. we fight all of the time. we never do anything fun. unless you call watching a movie at home fun. which it isn't at all. i have no friends and my family is really messed up so he is the only person i really have. i have fears of being alone. I do everything for him he doesn't have his license so i drive him to work back home for lunch back to work then go and get him from work and then take him to where ever he needs to go. he never says thank you for it and if i refuse he tells me that i can leave. it doesnt feel like we are in a relationship at all. i sometimes think i just need to leave but i have no where to go. i am 7 months pregnant and if i leave i am on my own out in the streets pretty much. he says he will pay my way but i know that he won't he wouldn't be able to afford it. i just feel like a peice of garbage. after we have a huge fight then he comes home and acts like nothing happed at all. he doesn't say anyhting about it so i just let it go. i am not sure what to do. i cry all of the time and sleep i am on anti depressants but they don't seem to help and i can't take anything else because i am pregnant. i am not happy and neither is he. when he comes home he goes straight into his office and i don't see him till dinner time. he rarley says a thing to me that isn't about work or his buiseness. i feel very neglected i just want to scream. the only thing that keeps me alive is my unborn child. any advice would be good. i know what i should do but it is not an option. i can't leave i would be putting my baby to death if i did because i have no way to take care of her on my own. at least here i have a roof over my head and food to eat. i just need a friend and there is no one. thanks for listening.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 12:00pm
I'm older then you (35) but we have some things in common. After 15 yrs together my husband is leaving because I left town for 4 days. I too do not have much of a support group. You need to figure out if you really want to be with this man of yours now!!! Do not wait for things to change like I did. I kept waiting for him to change and 15 yrs later he is still the same selfish person he was before.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2004
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 8:35pm

Hey!

Your situation really sucks. So you can not leave because you would not be able to support yourself and the baby. If I were you, I would wait, at least a few years, be a stay at home mom, and pursue some further education. Maybe join some clubs (where you can meet people) I know many community centres that offer classes for new mommies and their babies. Then, you can meet some new people, make some friends, and when your baby is old enough to be put in day care, you can pursue a career perhaps, which will you allow you to be financially stable. If by that time, things are still not good, then I would leave. You should also try talking to the guy...I mean he is only human after all. Explain your feelings, maybe he'll understand.

I hope everything works out for the best!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 8:54pm

It's apparent you are not happy in this relationship. LEAVE. You don't have to take abuse from anyone for the sake of a roof over your head and food in your mouth. You DO have options. There are PLENTY of social service agencies out there to help you and your child--take advantage of them. The people there will help you w/the myriad of issues you must resolve.

Do you want your daughter to be in a relationship just like the one you are describing to us?

If not, take action.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 10:31pm
thank you for your input. yes i have gotten myself in a bad situation. it is not the first time. it seems i am blind and fall. i can't talk to him though he gets mad at everything i say and sreams. so it is best if i just ride it out till i can come up with a plan. it feels good to have someone to talk to about this though. i really feel a little bit better. well as good as i can. i am so depressed i can't stop crying. he is such a hole. i don't know if you have ever been pregnant but my doctor is telling me to take it easy so i tell him that and he goes off saying many women are out there working full time jobs up till a couple weeks till they give birth. i mean what the hell. i am only doing what my doctor is telling me todo. but anyways gotta go man home.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sat, 04-02-2005 - 11:47pm
hi baby,
so sorry you are going through this... I don't know I can give you much advice, but I can at least send you my hugs and kisses...
Now, what would I do if I were you? First and foremost, I would find some friends or at least ppl to talk to. It's hard, but you MUST DO THIS. Ask your obgyn or future pediatrician for a referral to some, any support group. it's not gonna be great, but you will have some ppl who are in a similar situation as you are. Talk to your doctor, please! there are plenty of moms-to-be around, and many of them are as much in need of companionship as you are!!!
Second, your guy is in a predicament, too, and if I were you, I would try to understand that, too. He didn't choose you as a wife or a mother to his child; it just happened because you both were a bit silly and irresponsible by not wearing a condom. So if you are looking to him for love and support - think that he needs them as much as you do! Talk to him openly about that. Say that you understand that you both acted irresponsibly and that you regret the consequences. Don't blame him, just see what he says.
And what he says may not be what you like. You may need to go out and get a job yourself after the baby is born. He will always have to support the baby financially, but you have to take the responsibility yourself as well for him/her... Things may still work wonderfully for you and your guy, but if I were you, at this point, I would act as if they wouldn't. THis will take off some pressure off you and him,and you guys will get some prospective. Hang in there, everything will work out. We are here to talk to you... Love and hugs