ex issues
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ex issues
| Sun, 04-03-2005 - 10:53pm |
Ok, I am going to really try to make a long story short. I was married when I was 24 to "J". A few months after we got married, he said he wasn't happy, and wanted to get divorced. Well, we, or should I say "I" tried to make it work, but he wasn't working at it, after a few months, he started cheating on me. It was over for a long time when we finally got divorced. Well, my ex issue is not with him. It is with my boyfriend who I started dating just before my divorce was final. My issue is, is that I really really miss him and want to get back together, but am not sure how to go about doing it. We have been broken up for 4 months. In that time, we have mostly done our own things, but have remained friends. We still talk on the phone a few times a week and spend the night together occasionally (sometimes we have sex, sometimes we just cuddle). The reason we broke up is that he felt like I didn't have time to get over my marriage. When we broke up we called it "a break". He wanted me to be able to get back to who I was, he didn't want to break up but felt like it was what we needed. At the time, I was more hurt and couldn't really understand where he was coming from, but now, I definitly think it was the right thing. We really did need it. But now, I feel like we have been broken up long enough and want to try again. The last time we talked about "us" he said he still has feelings for me, and I definitly still have feelings for him, but I don't want to bring up "the talk" -- we had it so many times in the first few weeks after we broke up that we talked it to death, and now I don't really know how to go about bringing it up. But there is another "twist" I guess. I met another guy. We have kissed a few times and I like him, but I think my heart is still with my "ex" boyfriend. I am not really confused about what to do, because I know what I want; I think I am just venting to get some opinions. Oh and FYI my ex did find out about the new guy--totally got jealous and tried to play it off, but I know him too well.
Any advice is welcomed. :)
thanks.
Any advice is welcomed. :)
thanks.

I hope tht I am not going to sound harsh, but it seems strange that you can have a friendship with an ex, still have occasional sex with him, and you had a mutual "break" in your relationship yet you are afraid to bring up the idea of getting back together. I was just wondering if there were other underlying issues.
Anyway, I think the best way to approach this is to just come out directly and say it. I am assuming your ex was aware of the fact that you wanted time to get over your marriage and that the break in your relationship was nothing personal with him.
I'd say, one night when your cuddling, watching a movie, just bring it up directly. Just say something simple like..
"X" (or fill in the appropriate letter), I've done some soul searching over the last 4 months. I want to let you know that I my heart is set on having you in my life. I am grateful that you were patient with me, and I just wanted to ask you if you would be willing to...
date exclusively, take our relationship to the next level, become boyfriend/girl friend again, be lovers and soul mates (or another adjective to describe a loving and caring relationship you are looking for).
Just my 2 cents. Best of Luck!
Jon