FEELING LIKE WE ARE DISCONNECTING

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
FEELING LIKE WE ARE DISCONNECTING
6
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 2:52pm
HI EVERYONE, I JUST NEED SOME OUTSIDE OPINIONS. I AM ENGAGED AND ABOUT TO BE MARRIED IN 8 MONTHS, LATELY THINGS FEEL WEIRD BETWEEN US. MOSTLY I FEEL LIKE HE IS JUST NOT INTO ME AS MUCH. I KNOW SOME MEN CAN GET ALL NERVOUS WITH THIS WHOLE MARRIAGE THING AT SEEING US GO OFF WITH OUR GIRLFRIENDS OR CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT WEDDING PLANS, I MEAN SOMETIMES I GET SICK OF MYSELF...LOL
BUT TO ME ANDI KNOW THAT I AM VERY SENSITIVE IT FEELS LIKE HE JUST STOPPED CARING, WHEN IM OBVIOUSLY UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING HE DOES NOT ASK IF IM OK, HE DOES NOT EVEN ASK WHATS WRONG. BEFORE WE GOT ENGAGED HE WAS ALL OVER ME NOW ITS LIKE I FEEL IM CONSTANTLY THROWING MYSELF AT HIM, ITS HARD TOO FEEL SEXY WHEN YOU ARE ALWAYS THE AGRESSOR, IT MAKES YOU FEEL NOT WANTED. IM NOT REALLY SURE WHAT MY QUESTION IS, MAYBE IS THERE A GOOD WAY TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT THIS? IVE ASKED HIM IF HE IS RECONSIDERING THE MARRIAGE AND HE SAYS NO WAY.
Avatar for ddnlj
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 3:24pm

Maybe that's his way of dealing with all the hoopla. Maybe he feels you've turned away from him and your attention is now more on the wedding than on him. Is he OK with the wedding plans? Would he be more comfortable with something smaller and less time-consuming? Some men truly aren't appreciate of big, lavish affairs. Remember, it's his wedding too.

Or, could it be he's got you now and feels he doesn't have to put in any more effort? He can relax, so to speak. He doesn't have to keep up the romance because he's attained the goal he was after.

If you can't get a logical response from him, I would suggest a bit of counseling perhaps. It would be much better to clear the air now, rather than end up 2 or 3 years from now wondering what went wrong.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 3:57pm

Oooo...pre-marital counseling is a GREAT idea. I asked my therapist what it entails. Usually it just entaiils what you both think marriage is, what you expect, learn how to communicate, fight fairly, how to make sure you have what it takes to make the marriage work.


I'd suggest that. Seriously. It would help in MANY ways, besides finding out what he's thinking/feeling.




my pet!




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 9:27am
WELL AFTER 5 DAYS OF NOT TALKING, I ASKED HIM YESTERDAY WHY HE DON'T CARE WHATS BOTHERING ME AND HIS ANSWER WAS "CAUSE I JUST DON'T". I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW COULD YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEONE YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT. IM SO SAD AND CONFUSED.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 1:50pm

He could just think that wedding stuff is bothering you and he doesn't care much about the event, as long as you both are the guests of honor...or he may have stopped caring, like you were afraid he is.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2005
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 4:00pm
I was having the exact same feelings about my DF that you are having now. I finally told him "If we don't learn how to communicate it doesn't matter how much we love each other. It's not going to work." I told him we needed to go to pre-marital counciling. He was all for it when he found out we got a discount on our marriage license for going. Anyway, we have been going for three weeks and it has made a world of difference. DF was a little apprehensive at first, but now I can tell he feels more comfortable. We both feel our marriage has a better shot for success now. Our communication has increased 10 fold and he understands what I mean when I say I need romance. It doesn't have to be a constant thing. I just need positive reinforcement from him on a regular basis. I think you should check into it. Your DF is probably very stressed out over what the future holds, and is handling it the only way he knows how. There are better ways to handle it and you both can learn together. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 11:18pm
I wouldn't continue with marriage plans at this time, put the wedding on hold. You two should go into counseling.