need help fast

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
need help fast
9
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 5:10pm
i've been going out with my boyfriend for 6 monthes and his mom is so rude to me in school. shes always making faces at me and when i talk to him on the phone she makes up excuses to get off the phone...she did it the other night at 1 in the morning saying she was expecting a phone call. i recently talked to his brothers ex and she said thats how their mom was to her too. what should i say to him to make her stop because im so uncomfortable anymore. i dont even eat please help me. what should i say to him. thanks everyone
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 5:36pm

First, just wondering how old you are.


Second....it's HIM that needs to put his foot down regarding his mother. If he allows this to go on, and isn't willing to somehow work with you on things, then you're going to have to decide if you can deal with this.


Unfortunately, many times, parents can get in the way, and sometimes, that prevents their child from having a normal healthy r'ship. And unfortunately, you're the one who may have to decide if you have to leave or not.


Also, if he lives with his mother and is on the phone at 1am, maybe you can compromise by not being on the phone so late at night...regardless of her reasons. As for her dirty looks, I would let your guy know this is how she's treating you, and if to him, it's acceptable for her to treat you, his gf, like that. If he feels it is, then you have a big decision to make....basically if you're willing to be with someone that is going to allow their mother to treat their gf's like crap.....or not.




my pet!




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 5:38pm

Let me get this straight...his mother, a grown woman is making faces at you?! Oh wow, someone needs to grow up!

Honey, she's jealous of the women in her sons' lives. She's afraid that their girlfriends will replace her as the nuber one female in their world. Really there is little you can do to change her, but have a talk with your boyfriend. Tell him what his mother does to you, how it makes you feel, and ask him to stand up to her for you. It's best if he has a talk with her. If you try to approach her about her behavior, she will only become defensive and more unfriendly toward you. In the meantime - kill her with kindness. Regardless of what she does to you, always be nice to her. Eventually she'll feel stupid for always being so mean to someone who is always so nice to her, and other people won't be able to take her side. They'll say, "But coffeefrk25 always seems so sweet! Why don't you like her or why are you so mean to her?"

Beware...if your boyfriend defends his mother and cannot see that she is treating you poorly, it's best to walk away. Otherwise you will be spending time with a Momma's Boy who values his mother's obsessive opinions over yours.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 5:45pm
She said 'at school' so she's probably in high school. At that age she's working with a whole different set of rules and advice should reflect that. She sounds very young in her description so I'm betting she is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 5:49pm
yes im in highschool im 18 and i know i can find someone new, i just dont want to. thankyou for your help if he cant see what his moms doing after i talk to him im going to just break up because it wont be able to last.thankyou
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 5:57pm
I hate to tell you this, but at 18 it isn't going to last, regardless. I know when you're 18 it's hard to see the long term, but high school relationships rarely keep going once you graduate if you're at all college bound or want to do anything big with your life. Even if you're going to live in the same place the rest of your life and not go to college, etc. those early relationships are best as learning experiences and not your future. Once you graduate and move on you'll laught that you even cared about this high school boy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 6:02pm
i know exactly what you mean, and believe it or not thats the exact way that i think. i guess im a little more mature than some other people my age that think oh its going to last forever. i know that nothings garenteed. and im okay with that. i just dont like being put down by a women that doesnt even know me(his mom).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 6:15pm

How old is this guy. I'm just curious.


Also, if you're in HS, yeah, I'd cut back WAY back on the late night phone calls. My folks woulda killed me if they knew I was on the phone that late.


And I would see how he reacts to you telling him about the faces his mother makes. I wonder if she works at the school to keep an eye on her boys. and the "troublemaking women".


Hugs. Good luck.




my pet!




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 6:31pm
hes also 18. the reason we talk at that hour is becasue he works till late and we never get to talk anymore.you guys are a really big help thankyou so much.my parents are fine with us talking that late because im not tired in the mornings ever and i dont go out at all and never take off school, so they make an exception.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Mon, 04-04-2005 - 6:42pm
I realize that she is young given her reference to school, however, I feel my advice was appropriate in the situation regardless of her age.