He kissed my friend!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
He kissed my friend!!
3
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 12:23pm
Ok sorry but this is long.. so I have been seeing my guy friend for about six months now. I have known him for about 7 or so years and he always liked me and always told me and all my friends that but i never felt the same way until recently when we started going out. He always said that everytime he would be with another girl he would always want to be with me and that now hes with me he says is the happiest hes ever been. Well I reaaaaallllllly like him too and we have alot in commoon ands have the best time when we hang out but when we first started going out maybe 2 or 3 months in he had hooked up with my ex best friend. I still talk to her but were not that close since we all hang out together (we grew up together)He never told me i had found out through an anonymous e-mail and whe i confronted him he lied then called back 5 mins later and told me the truth. He said he was really drunk and that he would never do it again and doesnt even know why he did it when he did Well surprise surprise I cant stop thinking about it after 4 or 5 months. when we are all out together and were all a little tipsy he starts dancing with her and EVERYONE in that case but most of his attention is focused on her or so it seems to me. I feel like a know for a fact that if i wasnt there again while he was hanging out in a group with her that this would happen again. I also know that he wouldnt tell me either.I dont wanna waste my time but i really like him and i know he likes me but i feel like he'll just do it again like he cant resist or something and everytime i ask him about it he's like it will never happen again etc. but he acts like it will. What do i do? I feel like i have tried confronting the situation but i still just cant believe him or trust him. I dont wanna be without him but it eats me up ALL the TIME. Please give me Advice on how to handle this or should i even be with him?? WHAT DO I DO????
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 1:51pm
men can be such jerks! your guy did a horrible thing. from experience babe, trust is a key component to a relationship...without that, the relationship is never gonna be functional. that said..you need to sit him done and ask him to stop dancing with her and giving her so much attention. tell him how much it hurts you and that he's ruined the trust you had for him. if he cares for you and he is serious about you, he'll stop...drunk or not! if he can't handle himself, he shouldn't drink. turn the situation around and ask if he'd appreciate you doing that to him. alcohol is no excuse to do stupid things. if your talk goes in one ear and out the other or if you find you still can't trust him..then keep him as a friend but distance yourself for a while until you get over him. just be prepared for hurt...just in case. you desevre the best and you deserve someone you can trust. if you can't trust him and if he can't respect your feelings or control himself...then he's not the one for you. why should oyu deal with that? ou should not have to! so tell him to cut it out and keep his distance from her...if it can't be done..you fly the coop. trust is what you need and he has to do hs part to re-earn what he has lost! good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 04-05-2005 - 7:05pm
Well, you don't know for a fact that he'd do it again ... but, what you do know is that he has the ability to based on past history ... and your instinct is telling you something you don't like. Trust your instincts. If you don't trust him, you at least have to trust your instinct. You also know that he doesn't have enough self-control to resist hooking up with your friend ... I think that if he respected you and your relationship, he would demonstrate this to you by steering clear of your ex-friend. But, instead, he chooses to dance with her. Not a good sign. If you think he'll do it again ... trust your instinct and move on ... or choose to trust him and wait and find out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 12:58am

I'm not going to tell you that I think you should dump him, but I do think you need to be careful. Obviously you don't trust him, and he's given you a good reason not to trust him...he hooked up with your friend and then lied about it. Without trust, a relationship is almost certainly doomed and can be a miserable place to be. You deserve more than that!

I would sit him down and explain to him exactly how his hooking up with your friend and the lying hurt you, and explain how his behavior around your friend makes you uneasy because of the past. If he cares about you and is serious about not allowing it to happen again, he will stop the behavior that is upsetting you.

And what about your friend? I assume that she knows you are seeing this guy now. If she was a decent person, she'd tell him to stop flirting with her now that he's with you because you are her friend.

I wish you luck, but protect your feelings just in case history repeats itself! (((HUGS)))