he is too okey dokey with things

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
he is too okey dokey with things
5
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 7:06pm
Hello, I am new and looking for help. Its' been 9 months since my ex and I split up and I miss him so much, think of him all the time and it makes me nuts knowing he will end up with someone else someday. I have told him what I would liek to do to be together, kind of fix old problems but he never says ok lets do it. he did the other day but I had to ask him if he would talk with me about it. I feel I always have to chase him. I feel he is happy to have a chnace and be with me but then I feel if he doesn't have me its no big deal either. He doesn't show much emotion, like it would just eb part of his life, where I think the one you want to have a life with is a much bigger deal. I feel I am always chasing him, he is too okey dokey with things. Ahould I give it a chance or am I setting myself up for disappointment? I have broken down before to him and he doesn't say much anymore. What do you all think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 11:35pm
i've been in that situation not so long ago...it stinks! i was the one chasing him towards the end of the relationship. he seemed indifferent as to whether i was there or not. i had to let go..it was the hardest thing i ever did in my entire life (he was my first) but i knew it had to be done. i cut communication completely for a while and it killed me and goodness did i miss him horribly! but it was the best thing i could've done for myself. he tried to contact me again but i declined his wanting to get back together because i knew it wouldn't work..we had a lot of B.S. in our relationship. but besides all the B.S., i couldn't forget his indifference and i couldn't be with someone that was indifferent to me in the past. if you love this guy, let him go..if he loves you back he'll try to come back to you and try to rectify things to the best of his ability.
Avatar for ddnlj
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 8:57am

I think you're setting yourself up to be hurt. He doesn't have the strength to say "look, I really don't want to get back together." But he's showing you that in his actions.

You're begging him to love you. That's no way to get love or give love. Love has to be a two-way street. You're on a way way street going the wrong direction.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 12:36pm

Girl please,

You need to get over it and move on. That man ain't thinking about working anything out. He just waiting for you to fade out of the picture so he can go on about his own beat. Stop clinging and find something fresh!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 2:54pm

Then stop chasing... really. I don't mean to sound harsh, but if you're chasing after something that doesn't seem to be real interested in being caught, you really are only setting yourself up for heartbreak.


Back off and just take time for you!

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 3:59pm
Thanks all for responding. The thing is he views it as I didn't love enough to try if I was to back off and wait for him. Thats is why I get so frustrated because it would not be me seeing, not waiting,but seeing if he would come get me so to speak. he won't because he sees it as he has said everything he could so I must not love him enough. he says things but his actions don't always show it meaning he does act indifferent at times and doesn't "appear" as it bothers him or that he would do anything. When I asked him about it he said yes he wants to try and wants me so is he just saying that, does he feel that way but didn't want to be th eone to say it or what? I agree no one should chase anyone but he is just too, whatever happens happend to let me see what to do. you know what I mean?