tell him or not tell him??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
tell him or not tell him??
6
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 10:58am

this past summer my relationship with my now ex was ending and my best friends boyfriend who is in the navy introduced me to one of his shipmates..we hung out a few times and then we started this kind of FWB thing...well in december their ship left for west pac..it wasnt til after he left that i now realize that i really like this guy for more than what we have going on..but i dont know if i should tell him..i dont want to ruin everything by telling him. hes 24 divorced and has a little girl (the ex and baby dont live in the same state as me, he was only married because of the baby) hes told me a few times that hes not ready for a serious relationship or anything but then there are other times he tells me "dont worry when i get back i promise you, you wont be lonely anymore" im so confused..we email each other like everyday i send him stuff all the time..and i really miss him a lot and i really like him a lot..do you think i should tell him, or wait til he comes back and see what happens. hes also told me things like when i get back we need to do things besides..sleeping together..like go to dinner and movies and things like that, things "good friends" do. im so confused when he tells me all this because then hell mention something saying hes not ready for a serious relationship..i need some second opinions here..some friends say just wait it out and see what happens when he gets back others say tell him how i feel..hes a very open guy, whenever we are together hes always one of those guys that asks "what are you thinking" which i love but right now im scared to tell him exactly what it is im thinking because i dont want to lose everything with him...help me! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2005
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 12:09pm
Wait until he comes back and see what happens. He is not in a position right now to deal with "feelings" that may or may not happen. If you were a wife or established GF that would be one thing, but you're not. He is doing a very stressful job right now. Just keep things light and cheery. The time for matters of the heart will come after he returns. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 2:41pm

I agree, definitely wait until he gets home. Think of it this way, YOU deserve to see him and talk to him about how you feel about him ... rather than telling him through correspondence.

Also, you never know ...the dynamic may be different when he gets back ... he might be so appreciative of what you've done for him while he's been awhile that he may have realized "hey, this girl is a catch ... she was really there for me!" ... and he may want something more from it, too. You know what they say about "distance makes the heart grow fonder."

Wait it out and have the discussion when he you can SEE him and when you can have a read on what his interaction is like with you when you guys are back together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 3:29pm

hi,

i would say wait! see how it goes once he gets back. if all goes your way then you might not even have to say anything and things will just happen naturally.

so, wait until he gets back and then see where things from there...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 7:50pm
thanks for the adivce i havent told him anything about liking him yet i have 1 month 2 weeks and 5 days til he comes back (not like im counting or anything :) )...he just sent me another email this time telling me hes sorry he wasnt here for my bday and he wishes he was and that he just wanted to tell me happy birthday and that he really misses me..then he said when i get back im gonna take you out just the two of us a whole day and night and spend time just you and me....see how confusing he makes thing!! lol...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 3:55pm

Still...wait....on his return and see how things go for a while afterwards.


Long absences may make the heart go fonder, but they can also fool a heart for a while.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 11:08am
makes plenty of sense...thanks a lot. im gonna wait.