still hung up on him

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
still hung up on him
2
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 10:42am

Back again. I'm still not over the recovering alcoholic. I think about him all the time! To refresh, we were dating for about 3 months, then i really got feelings for him and told him, he said he cant have anything serious, but enjoys spending time with me, is attracted to me, etc. I guess i just couldnt deal with taking things so lightly and i often got upset. HE said when i got upset it made him feel anxious. The last time we were supposed to see each other he told me that if i spent the night i'd have to sleep in the guest room because if i stayed in his bed we'd have sex and he just cant be a sexual person right now. I have never heard anyone say that, but um ok. Needless to say i got upset and didnt go up. he said he felt i needed some time to cool off and that he wanted to be my friend, but he doesnt get feelings for people because he was hurt once like 8 years ago. He said he didnt want to bring me into his dysfunctional self. He told me he wished he could be my boyfriend and if he could be, he would be.

So since that conversation i have not seen him, but we have talked on the phone a few times, e-mailed and text messsaged. I am in an argument right now with my cousin (long story) I spoke with him last night and told him what happened and ended up crying. I told him a few other stories and mentioned i told someone else, he said oh who'd you tell, the guy you're seeing? i just said, oh yeah and kind of ignored him. Then he jokingly said, you're dating mike from work arent you. I know he was kidding, but everytime we talk he asks if i'm seeing anyone or makes references to if i'm seeing anyone. I guess this makes me feel like, hmm, maybe he is still interested in me and would be upset if i'm seeing someone? He is going to FL this weekend and asked if i'm coming down (i'm 500 miles away so obviously not) when we hung up he said well it was nice talking to you, i said, yeah even though i was all emotional again. he just said, well i dont mind, because it wasnt about me.

so i guess that's it. we are strictly friends, but i am lusting over him and thinking about him all the time...it's pretty tough

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 5:05pm
sounds like he's confused as to what he wants...meaning he's interested but resistant or maybe you boost his ego but he's not interested. the only way for you to get over him is to stop all contact with him for a while...period. im talking from experience. it ain't easy. it's very hard but you have to do it for you..to be fair to yourself. you should be with someone that wants you just as much as you want them...this guy knows how you feel but my guess is that he's not feeling the same romantically. tell him how you're feeling, see what he says and if he's insistant on being strictly friends, then i'd advise you to keep your distance until you are over him completely. want someone that wants you back..don't settle for less.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2005
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 5:34pm
Even if he came around and wanted to go out with you it would be a bad idea if hes still living his life based on a heartache from 8 YEARS AGO! Even if he went out with you, him not being able to ever get over anything will bring you down.