Ending relationship advice? Please.
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| Sat, 04-09-2005 - 10:28am |
Hello -
I've posted previously on this board, and I appreciate the advice I've been given.
I'm trying to emotionally get out of a relationship (I think). My boyfriend's hobby is nude, etc. photography, and I've tried really, really hard to be open-minded, but I hate it. It's not just the hobby, I hate the lying, him putting me down to me both behind closed doors and behind my back in public, and sometimes he gets physical. I feel like everyone else knows a different person than I did or do- not only that, but I feel like it was/is intentional manipulation of me and my ability to make decisions based upon the facts...
It's a long story, but I'm sick of the thinking that he would pull some of these same stunts on another woman. He's already lied about me to other people, put me down, etc... Everyone thinks he is 'so great'. He was in fact the nicest person ever in my life, so I can't blame the people for the 'groupie following'. However, how much of the talk about me am I supposed to put up with before I stand up for myself. I am in a vulnerable situation for my physical safety, financially, emotionally, time, scholastically, etc...
I am torn between posting and verbalizing my side of events and keeping my mouth shut. Some of the people he has talked down on me with are in my own professional field (although I'm not working there, he knew I had previously tried to apply there), people he works with in his hobby, and now people affiliated in a mutual hobby. I am not comfortable with any of these people now, and these are my own interests!!! I have no friends at all, only my 'boyfriend'.
It's a long story.
I had thought about posting my responses to things he said on a non-anymous 'professional' message posting board that I didn't know had been posted. I had also thought about creating my own 'art' to present my ideas, etc. about the issues that bother me that he just has always blown off to present at the next mutual hobby event, and go on my own, even though these people at the event are just not my friends. He criticizes me especially in comparison to any and all of the models, and always gets away with it by calling it an 'art' hobby. Well, I had thought about for a long time now putting some of my 'opinions', etc. into an 'artwork' because I know darn well he wouldn't like it because I could be just as offensive to him as some of the images are to me. I'm sick of the idea that this 'boyfriend' can do whatever the heck he wants knowing that it will offend me and he has an entire following of people that stand up for him because it's 'art' in comparision to 'what's real' to me.
I can do stuff like creating that artwork or public responses, or just drop it. Being that he's so social, I can't stand the thought of continuing to keep my mouth shut. I don't feel physically safe in doing this, though, because when I express my opinions, he sometimes gets physical. I also think I might be emotionally attached to him. I am both scared an repulsed by the fact that even with the anonyminity I've always enjoyed in my life, that now I should even be thinking about hiding out for my personal safety. I have to work and get out, too... Am I going to have to start wearing wigs out in public??? I'm not bruised or anything that severe, but he has physically scared me on multiple occassions while taking the phone away, and he made a hole in his own wall... I'm trying not to think about what his verbal comments, misrepresentations, and lies could do (or have) done for my 'career'.
What's really weird is that I confronted him about some of his comments that hurt my feelings. He had given this overexaggerated great introduction of something I took pictures of at this hobby event. Well, a month later in private he asked me when I was picking out some of my work ("it's been a month, is that the best you can do?", "what did you do today besides mess around with Photoshop (in a really condescending tone as if I were a criminal or something for spending 2 hours for myself on photoshop rather than stressing out over his laundry or whatever the heck he wanted since a model didn't happen to be present that he could flirt with)" etc...) What is up with the mixed compliments and criticisms?? Which should I try to believe/should have believed????
Thank you for your time, and any advice.
| Sat, 04-09-2005 - 2:17pm |
