What is going on here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2004
What is going on here?
1
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 2:45pm

Guys are so confusing. :)

Here is the situation there is this very cute guy who moved in next door to me. We hit it off pretty quickly when he was moving in we talked for a while. The day after he moved in we talked for about two hours. Just about every day we talk for at least 10-15 minutes but usually it is a few hours.

When we are talking he usually puts his cell phone on vibrate and if he does answer the phone he only talks to them for a few minutes and asks if he can call back later since he is talking to his neighbor.

I figured out that he didn't have a girlfriend. After what felt like flirting for a week I decided to ask him out since it seemed safe.

I left him a note on his car Thursday morning asking him to dinner sometime this week. That night after work I spotted him out on our shared balcony and went out to talk to him.

After talking for a while he asked me if I had left the note on his car. I said yes and he asked if I wanted to have just dinner or more of a date dinner. I told him date dinner but I was sort of feeling out the situation.

Here is where it gets complex, he said it was sort of bad timing since he said he was sort of seeing someone right now. I started to apologize I am not the type of girl who moves in on a guy who is seeing someone. He stopped me and said she had asked him if she could go out with someone else last weekend and he told her he wished she wouldn't. Anyway he said out of respect for her we couldn't have a date dinner but could still have dinner.

I had a bunch of stuff to do in the evening since that conversation on Tuesday but Thursday night I went over to ask him to dinner. He was busy with work and softball but said early next week due to a party Friday night and having to work on Sunday. I am guessing he is seeing the other girl tonight, Saturday, but he conveniently left that out. So we will probably have dinner either Monday or Tuesday night.

After all that here is the question what is going on here? I have felt like he was flirting with me and everyone else I have told the story to has felt the same way.

I don't know if he is seeing her wanting to go out with another guy as her trying to get him to commit or if it was her wanting to see other people.

Another friend suggested maybe he was playing hard to get.

Anybody have any thoughts? Thanks for reading my long rambling story. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 12:38am

My two cents,

He's in the middle of a r'ship, he's being "put on hold" by the other woman, so he feels not exactly right to pursue you, yet he's probably thinking you're a good "back up".

I would back off. Don't do dinner. Don't date, don't flirt, keep it friends only, until he is 100% over and done with that other woman.

I see it like this. He's in a "separation" period with his gf, which HE does NOT want, however, HE is okay with flirting and stuff, but doesn't want to pursue you or anything with you. People in "separations" or even "breaks" are still with that person, EMOTIONALLY, and well, their heart is nowhere near you. So, what is the point of pursuing him, in any sort of way, if his heart wouldn't be in it? None.

Hence, the friends only bit. Cool it down. Tell him that since he is "kinda" seeing someone, that you'd rather keep it friends only. If he's interested in you, tell him to puruse you after all is said and done with other woman, AND he's had some time to get over her. I don't consider a day enough time to get over someone.

Obviously, if he didn't want her to see other men, HE wanted something serious.

Just remember that. Don't let him talk you into the fact that he and her are apart right now. I mean, if she says, "okay let's get back together" most likely, he will.

That's my two cents. I could be WAY off, but it sounds like you're playing with fire....at least for now, I'd say lay off and just be friends, and ask him to treat you as such.




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