Newbie here; seeks advice about new guy
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| Mon, 04-11-2005 - 5:21pm |
Hey all,
The short of it is, I feel he's "just not that into me." The weird thing is that it happened *literally* overnight, and I can't figure out why.
We got into what I thought was just going to be a casual thing---he's divorced and I'm newly separated---but he seemed really into me from the start, even more so than I was in return. We work in the same facility (not an office environment) and he'd call me every day, sometimes twice per day, just to see how I was doing. We started seeing each other in the evenings for a few minutes after work, and he was very affectionate with me. I definitely got the vibe that he was interested.
I spent some time at his place one day (no sex) and it didn't exactly go well, but we still seemed to end the afternoon on good terms. Then, the drama started. We'd had plans to go out the next day, but he never called. Nor did he call the day after. He was cold to me the rest of the week. Next weekend we made plans to get together AGAIN, but---of course---"something came up."
The answer should be staring me in the face, and if our afternoon together had been a "booty call, see ya later" scenario, I would completely understand. But nothing happened. Is he pissed BECAUSE nothing happened? Is he pissed because something WOULD have happened but circumstances beyond my control prevented it (in other words, does he think I'm 'easy' even though we didn't do anything)?
I understand that in the beginning stages of dating, one or both partners often realize that it just won't work out and there's no point in going any further. But two things are confusing me: one, the abrupt overnight change in his behavior; and two, the fact that he told me up front that he didn't necessarily want this to just be a casual thing, and that he hoped I wouldn't "just forget about him" and never call again---yet that's exactly what he's doing to me!
I don't have time for mind games, but I really like him. Any advice?
- Corrie

My two cents.
He's being an ass cuz you didn't hvae sex with him. The ONLY time I have ever experienced this was when I didn't give up the sex and then they treat me weirdly. Either they tell early on they dont' want something casual, they flirt, they are very upbeat, they pursue me, not hard, but enough that I think they're interested.
Then they come over to my place, or I go there, and nothing happens. And well, I either never hear from them again, or they do waht your guy is doing, basically being an ass. Well, that's my thoughts.
I would bow out now, before you look like some stalker woman to him because you
LOL. Okay, maybe he is with someone else, but that was one day he could've hooked up with you and it didn't happen. And so, he's all frustrated.
Nah, I don't know. Me, I'd probably leave a msg saying, WTF is going on? lol. But that's me. I can't be a part of any of these games anymore. Not worth my time. Hmmm..this is one very interesting man.
All I know is this much. regardless of WHY he's blowing you off, the fact that he is, is enough to bother me. I dunno. Myabe you can get more replies tomorrow.
It bothers me like hell. We've had a couple of decent conversations over the last few days, and I basically said, let's try again, I like you, etc. He seemed fine with that but then, ahem, something came up. Yeah, buddy, my foot up your ass is the next thing that's going to come up, let me tell you. And I don't know how to just walk right up to him and say, "You do realize that I am attracted to you despite my body doing what a woman's body does, don't you?" or, better yet, "I actually do want to f*ck you," without sounding like a whore. LOL
Who knows. I'm going to try to speak to him tomorrow but it's difficult at work. Last time. I don't have the patience for games and I certainly am not going to look like a stalker (or...any more than I already do, LOL).
But I did find a funny article about
love...
http://www.mary.com/articles/view.html?aid=51
hope to have brightened your
day!
That was a great article!
It's all better now. Turns out he was concerned that I was going to get back with my STBX, and he didn't want to be the Other Man. NOT going to happen, but he needed reassurance of that. Once we had a discussion to that effect, he opened up and is back to being the way he was before the disagreement (or, rather, cold shoulder) even happened.
I don't know if it will turn serious...I'm not ready for that right now, and the age difference is significant...but we're just enjoying ourselves right now, taking it one day at a time. :)
Thanks for all the advice.
- Corrie