What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
What would you do?
3
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 7:37pm

Hi everyone. I've been toying with the idea of posting this or not, but I figured I'd get a few extra opinions on the matter. I'm sure a lot of you out there have gone through this before, and nothing speaks better than experience. If you visit other message boards and see this same message, I apologize. I just want to get all the advice I can get.

Here it goes.

I've been with my bf for almost nine months now. For once in my life, I can honestly say I'm comfortable, I'm content, I'm happy. It's funny, because we've known eachother for years now, and I just had this feeling deep down that it would be a matter of time before we hooked up. Well, here we sit today, lol.

I don't want to sound sappy, but it is just a good relationship. We do our own things, have our own hobbies and interests, but also spend time together and have fun. I love this guy, and he loves me. I know it. He was actually the first guy to ever say I love you to me, and he was the first one I said it to, knowing I meant it.

Anyways, he said something to me last week, and I wasn't quite sure how to take it. With him, it's sometimes hard to tell if he's just playing around or being serious. Without getting into too much detail, I'll tell you what happened.

I was at his place, he was at a meeting for an organization he's involved with. He came home, and just announced that he's selling his house and going to work for this guy. I was like, okay. He then said if this guy gets the position he's vying for, he was going to go with him and work for him. The place he'd be going is about 6 hours away.

So of course, it's been on the back of my mind now for a week. He hasn't made mention to it since then. In fact, he didn't make mention of it that whole night.

So you are probably asking what the big deal is. Well, as soon as he said that, I started getting my walls of defence up. I immediately figured that he was going to kick me to the curb to move away. Everything started to race through my head.

First I played out the whole scenario. He would want to go work for this guy, but not want to take me along. I know what his thoughts would be. He'd figure I wouldn't want to leave my family, and I'd be too tied down with my job and schooling here. He wouldn't want me to give that up. Of course, that would be far from the truth. I can get a job doing what I'm doing anywhere, and I'm not a full time student, so I can basically take classes wherever I want. Then I thought that if he thought this way, it wasn't really meant to be in the first place.

Then I thought that if he did this, and broke everything off, then these past months would have been a total lie. I hate to think that way though, but it's been so common with past relationships that I just can't help it. Would you feel this way if you were in that situation? I don't know, I don't mean to sound selfish, but I would just feel really hurt, if the relationship was going great, but he just didn't want to include you in his future plans. I would feel that something should have been said earlier, instead of just giving me the heave.

Now, like I said, this is just me assuming the worst, which is bad, I know. But I just want to know what you would do, or what you did, if faced with this situation.

Thanks a bunch.

stargazer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 7:50pm

Simple. I'd talk to him about it. I'd ask him his plans for the job, and then say, "and us?" and see waht he says. For all you know, he may say, "I was thinking we could do the long distance thing for a bit, and if you're up for it, move to the new place".


However, I feel if you DO move, you should get your own place. Mostly because if it doesn't work, at leat you know you can live on your own.


Hugs. Talking always works for me.




my pet!




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Mon, 04-11-2005 - 7:50pm
Why don't you just ask him "So, if you take the job, then what about us?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Tue, 04-12-2005 - 12:32pm

Hi woeisme and welcome...


and yes, my opinion is to keep it that simple.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?