Feel weird about it...

Avatar for incognito_mosquito
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Feel weird about it...
8
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 9:07pm

I've been dating this guy for a little while and we've recently became intimate. We have alot in common, and we seem to want the same things out of a relationship. But right before we started having sex I found out some things about him, and I'm not sure how I feel about it now.

He is the same age as me (26) and had only lost his virginity less than a year ago, and had only ever been with one girl. After we slept together I also found out he had only had sex with her twice, and had *never* given or recieved oral sex until I came along. Meanwhile, I've been having sex for the last 10 years, and was married for five of them. I just feel like this is too much responsibility for me sometimes, and I don't know if I want to continue.

Am I being shortsighted not to give him a chance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 04-13-2005 - 9:15pm
I'm confused. Why do you feel responsibility for him? Does he not take responsibility for himself?
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
Avatar for incognito_mosquito
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 1:32am
I'm sorry, it's kind of hard to explain what I mean by responsibility. Both of us completely support ourselves financially, that's not it. I guess what I mean is, if we continue, he's going to be having a heck of alot of "firsts" with me, both sexually and emotionally (his last girlfriend was also the only one he's ever had, and apparently things didn't go that far with her) and I just don't know if at this point in my life I want to take on somebody who's *SO* inexperienced.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 2:37am

If he's reticent to try new things....and you feel that he's holding you back on your lifestyle, I can certainly understand your feelings. If he has no relationship skills or communication skills, I can also understand - it's not your place to train him.

However, if he's super enthusiastic and willing to try anything with you and he's good at being your partner - then I don't see the problem. It's certainly not something worth breaking up over...unless there is an underlying issue that you've not mentioned.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 8:49am

Hi, we are in a similar situation so I know how you're feeling! My bf's 23, I'm 27. And he was a virgin when we met (although he's done everything else). I, on the otherhand, have been having sex for almost 10 yrs. Anyway, we just recently had sex. Of course the first time was pretty quick, but the second time was better. So I'm thinking it will get better (and longer) every time. ;)

But at first I was feeling so overwhelmed that I'm the only one he's been with and am I going to be enough, or is he going to want to have sex with other girls, etc. But he has reassured me that I did not have to worry about any of that!

The most exciting part is knowing that he's going to have all these new experiences (positions/toys/etc.) and it's going to be with me! So I'm looking forward to lots of practice time!

Anyway, I say if the r'ship is good otherwise, give him a chance. Teach him things, practice lots, and I'm sure you'll be fine!

Good Luck

Avatar for ddnlj
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 12:31pm

Why is the number of sex partners so important? My goodness, I'd be really happy to find a man who hadn't slept with every woman in town. At least you know he's probably not crawling with bugs.

I don't take pride in the number of partners I've had, nor when I lost my virginity. It's just a part of my life, not an important part of it either; so I don't consider it an important value with anyone else. I'd be more concerned about personality, responsibility, and other character traits long before I'd concern myself with sexual prowess. If sex is the most important thing in a relationship, that relationship is not likely to last.

Really, what you're saying is that you'd trade away a guy with good character for one with more sexual experience who could judge you against every other woman he's been with. He might have kids by some other woman. He might have a disease by some other woman. He might be a player just because he enjoys seeing how many different woman he can sleep with.

Put the notches on the bedpost away and concentrate on your BF's character value. Numbers mean nothing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 12:57pm

My two cents. Do what is comfortable for YOU. Think about how all these "firsts" are going to feel, regardless if he's enthusiastic or not.


For MYSELF and me only, I'd probably ditch the guy. Why? Cuz I'm too old to be training a man, and I want a man to come with knowledge of how to perform sexually.


Granted you can train him to YOUR liking, w/o having to RETRAIN (like I did my dbf), but even that gets old.


I have been retraining dbf for 2.5 years now. I'm sick and tired of it and sometimes I resent him for being so inexperienced. If we ended things, I know for a fact that I would never date someone that was a virgin, only had a few partners, etc, etc, etc. I want someone experienced, not someone I need to break in or train.


BUT, as I said, this is only me and I'd have absolutely NO problem dumping a guy cuz I don't want to train him. Cuz I'm sick and tired of teaching men how to be good lovers. I want one that's already pre-programmed.


Hugs. The choice is yours. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for choosing NOT to teach him. I wouldn't. I have more important thigns to do. lol.


(I sound so crass, don't I? oh well, that's just me. I know my limits. And your situation, would be one of them)




my pet!




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 5:17pm

I do feel it's a little shortsighted... but I'm not with someone who is so inexperienced.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 7:37pm
do you feel that you have experience than him thats why you feel wierd and that hes like learning from you and he isnt giving it his all bc of this