Should i feel guilty?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2004
Should i feel guilty?
3
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 12:26pm

Hi everyone....ill try and make this short and sweet.

Im 19...im away at university in the dorms. Me and my roomate both have boyfriends which are both basically long distance relationships. We both have been with our boyfriends for a long time, and lately we have been realizing that maybe we want to go out and have some fun.

Well there have been these guys who we are friends with...its a big group of us. But this one guy i find very attractive, funny, just genuinly nice. Well three of them wanted to take us on some movie and a dinner date. So we decided to go, thinking of it really as just a big group of us.It was fine, nothing (sexually) happened. It was like 3 guys and 3 girls hanging out! They paid for it all and then we went to the movie. Yah know as i say nothing bad happened.

Im not sure if i should feel guilty about this, because its not really cheating right?

Can someone give me some input, bad or good i wanna hear it :-)
Thanks

Avatar for ddnlj
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 12:36pm

You did nothing wrong. You went out with friends, which is what you should be doing at your age. You're too young and have too much life ahead of you to live like a married person and continue a long distance commitment. You should be exploring life, meeting new people, and enjoying going out and having fun.

Whether you continue the commitment or not, remember that you can and should go out with your friends. If you meet someone you are attracted to and feel a relationship is imminent, break the first relationship off so you aren't caught in an ugly situation that very well could make you feel guilty.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 1:37pm

You said, "nothing (sexually) happened" did anything happen that would be PHYSICAL? Even touching, kissing, etc?


Also, I don't think it's bad to go out as friends, but if you are leading or even misleading the other men, then I think that's due for some guilt.


Lastly, if you want to go out and have fun, I agree, you're too young to live like a married couple. I would suggest ending thigns with your dbf. Because, the more fun you have, the more fun you'll want, the more you'll do more and more. Meaning, going out will lead to hugging, to kissing, to touching, to sex. Hey, you're only human. But then, their are lines crossed.


I feel, if you went out, the other guys KNOW you have bf's, you're not hiding it in ANY way, then there's no harm. However, if you're hidiing it and you KNOW they are interested, that to me, is just as bad. But that's me. I guess what matters is if your BF cares about what you're doing. Did you tell him you went out with these other men?


If you have to lie to your bf, or tell half-truths, or even omit details, then you might as well end thigns. Once you hit any of those three areas, you're losing "trust" in the r'ship.





my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2005
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 2:31pm
So why are you seeking validation of nothing happened? maybe you're trying to get rid of the guilt you feel for being attracted to hottie. All i can say is, you're still young and shouldn't tie yourself down to a point where you can't have fun without having to worry about someone else. Committment is for the 30's and 40's...these are the best years of your lives. don't waste 'em