missing him

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2005
missing him
5
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 7:53pm

before I start, I know I have offered some of you advice, but I am really bad at taking my own, so other opinions is what I am looking for

Ok, I am going to really try to make a long story short. I was married when I was 24 to "J". A few months after we got married, he said he wasn't happy, and wanted to get divorced. Well, we, or should I say "I" tried to make it work, but he wasn't working at it, after a few months, he started cheating on me. It was over for a long time when we finally got divorced. Well, my ex issue is not with him. It is with my boyfriend who I started dating just before my divorce was final. My issue is, is that I really really miss him and want to get back together, but am not sure how to go about doing it. We have been broken up for 4 months. In that time, we have mostly done our own things, but have remained friends. We still talk on the phone a few times a week and spend the night together occasionally (sometimes we have sex, sometimes we just cuddle). The reason we broke up is that he felt like I didn't have time to get over my marriage. When we broke up we called it "a break". He wanted me to be able to get back to who I was, he didn't want to break up but felt like it was what we needed. At the time, I was more hurt and couldn't really understand where he was coming from, but now, I definitly think it was the right thing. We really did need it. But now, I feel like we have been broken up long enough and want to try again. The last time we talked about "us" he said he still has feelings for me, and I definitly still have feelings for him, but I don't want to bring up "the talk" -- we had it so many times in the first few weeks after we broke up that we talked it to death, and now I don't really know how to go about bringing it up. We spent a lot of time together last week, he was helping me move some stuff for my grandparents, and we spent the night together; we had so much fun, it was like it used to be, and we actaully spent some time together the next day too.

But there is another "twist" I guess. I met another guy about 2 months ago. We have kissed a few times and I like him, but spending time with him just makes my feelings for my "ex" stronger. I am not really confused about what to do, because I know what I want; I think I am just venting to get some opinions. Oh and FYI my ex did find out about the new guy--totally got jealous and tried to play it off, but I know him too well.

Any advice is welcomed. :)
thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
In reply to: kjgcls704
Thu, 04-14-2005 - 8:28pm

What should you do?


Find the courage to go talk to your ex about wanting another chance, now that some more time has passed and talk to him.


What more is there to do? Just do it.





my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: kjgcls704
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 11:01am
I agree with Cher, it is time to just do. You have done the talk good you know what to expect. Now, just let him know that you are over your divorce and you are aware of what it is you want and it is him. Let him know you have thought about it and come to conculsion that though you went out with this other guy that it only strengthened your feelings for him. So now if he is ready you are also to see where things go. I wish you the best and let us know how it goes.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2005
In reply to: kjgcls704
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 10:48pm
thanks for all the advice, i am trying to work up the courage, well, not really courage, but, you know..... the right time, i gues , you could say. I really want things to work out with us, so hopefully they will, wish me luck!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: kjgcls704
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 4:21am
Good luck and let us know how things go...
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2005
In reply to: kjgcls704
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 10:49am
well i sure did "F" things up big time....instead of doing things the way i should have, I acted like the jealous ex girlfriend and questioned him too much about if he had been seeing anyone else or if he had kissed anyone else and he got PISSED. I stayed at his house last night and he just brought me home and we had a HUGE fight in the car. The last thing he said to me before he left was "I'll talk to you later, but not now, because I am too pissed, so it'll be later." I feel like we have taken about 25 steps back when things were starting to get better. I don't know what else to do now, but cry.