Help Pls

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Help Pls
4
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 12:13pm

Hello, I have posted on here before but not in this section.

Well,My husband and I have been together since 2-4-05. Before that we had a rocky relationship, I didn't really trust him and he was a big party guy and that wasn't what i wanted. But i kept on with him, i really don't know why but all of a sudden with a blink of an eye,I was married to him, now 2 months down the road, im stuck, he has changed ALOT but i still remember the old days the way he used to be and it makes me sick to my stomach sometimes so sick that I treat him bad and it turns into this big fight , that usually ends up in me leaving , him calling me for 2 hours and then me going back and him apologizing. It is always thigs same routine and Im sick of it.
Im sick of fighting Im sick of all the Im sorry's all of the time and im just sick of him.

Right now my only option is getting a divorce but when i think about it my stomach starts turning again, and I keep accepting his apologies and i just keep loving him, but i don't understand, im sick of him but i can't live without him.
What do i do?.. ive tried talking to him all it leads to is promises and Im sorry's , that will later be broken and will later be accepted, so what other alternative can I take with him that will not lead in a divorce but will lead into making this situation better? Thanks for all the input you can give me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: noni4200
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 12:19pm
Well there are no other alternatives. Either you stop accepting the behavior or stay and accept it. Talk about the problems do not leave them unresolved. What ever plan you put into action then see it through. When he slips once bring it up so he is aware but then if he keeps on screwing up do not stay. You staying, you accepting his appologies has taught him that no matter what you will be back so all he has to do is tell you he will change and he is sorry and things will be better. You have to change that behavior by leaving if things do not work and not returning until they are and if they haven't make a final discission if you are going to stay or leave.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
In reply to: noni4200
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 1:39pm

You have




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
In reply to: noni4200
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 2:48pm

Have you tried talking to him without judging and without fighting and with trying to truly understand what the other is saying.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
In reply to: noni4200
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 2:04am
Sounds like the problem is more you then him. You say he's changed ALOT since marriage and you still get upset from the memories of past actions. Sounds like you have an addiction. Your addicted to the adrenaline of drama. When he stopped creating it you needed to keep it going. Unless you realize why you need this screaming and anger all the time you'll just get another guy just like him if you divorce him. You keep trying to push him into leaving you just to see if he'll stay. Another adrenaline high when he stays (and an ego boost). Testing and pushing will eventually work and he will leave. Try to realize that he must really love you or he would not have changed so much. He's trying to be a good guy so relax and let go of the insecurity and bad memories. You may discover it's more of a high to have fun with him.