Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Update
11
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 1:48pm

Well, I am trying to pass time and look busy and decided to go ahead and update everyone where I am at in this dating world. Well, Patrick and I have just been going with the motions so to speak. With our work schedules and no spring sports we barely see each other. Actually I saw him the first time last night in 3 weeks and that barely happened because I did not get to house till 9 pm and I had to work. So spending time together wasn't much but cuddling on the couch and then to bed after catching up.


I realized last night as a definite that I will soon have to break it off. I have tried the childish game of convincing him it will not work so he can break it off and it is not working. I did not want to be the bad guy but I have to do what is right for me. But, last night I talked to my ex (the guy who I loved but moved to NC) he needed me to do a favor for him which was fine. No flirting just normal conversation with getting things together for me to do the favor.


Ok, get to Patrick's house and we are talking about future plans and I talk of shopping. Spring is here and I want a new wardrobe. So this not being the first time he has mentioned something about me dieting or needing to lose weight. So I am ticked but do not bring it up because we have been over this before. I am happy and healthy at my size and many men love it. I am the same when he first met me and he had a choice then to decide if this was something he was happy with. He showed me pics. of his exes and all were bigger then I am. So I do not know the deal there and he is not small. I mean this man eats all night and a big thing I hate is eating in bed. I do not like crumbs in my bed. Why we only stay at his house when one stays a night. Ok enough of that, well I started thinking of the ex. He will be here after April 25 and I know I will be seeing him which I am getting excited. I know he is still single and even for one night or how many nights he is in town I am going to be with him or want to rather.


Patrick pissed me off or just being with him I don't even care about that all I could do was think of the possibilities with the ex if I wasn't chicken to move. I am now stuck with having to tell Patrick. How do I go about that? I could tell while I was with him he was so happy but on so many levels with him I am not. I have never had to be the bad guy and do the dumping. The guy has always been able to read the signs and do it for me. I guess I needed to get this down to sort it. Because I know the ex and I will not have anything but a one nighter and unless he moves back to KC which or doubt or to Texas which I am considering a place to live now since my sons father now lives there. Then we will just be friends. but, I know deep down I have to do something with Patrick.


If you made it this far thanks. Questions comments are welcome if you can understand all the rambling.

Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 2:12pm

Well, you can do it with the dreaded...


"we need to talk" comment. and go from there. I usually would write a letter, have him read it in front of me and then talk about it. Easier for me to write tahn to talk.


I hate doing it too. Most times, I just pick a fight, get angry and say I'm gone, and then end it that way. sad, huh? oh well.




my pet!




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 2:15pm
Ahh, that just reminded me what he despises which is a jealous chick. Oh yea, I know it is the weekend and he has to work but I am going to pull that out and we will argue about him not liking it and I will say oh that is how I am and I am not changing so this situation should change, Goodbye. Awesome thanks for that one. I have done arguments but very rarely.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 2:42pm

Marie...just my two cents, but that sounds a lot like playing games, ya know, pulling the jealous card in hopes that he'll break up??

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 2:46pm
I cna't say that's the best way, but well, it works. but you also will never see them again, so if you're not friends, i hope that doesn't bother you.



my pet!




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 2:56pm

Steff, you are right it is playing games and I know so much better. I guess I am dreading if he ask why. That is like asking for a list of your faults. I really do not want to tell him why and wish it could be as simple as lets move on. I guess I will figure something out and do it this weekend. I have yet to call him today. I guess I am like bouncing ideas here. Try to find a way out of it but there is no way out.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 3:17pm

If you wrote it, sorry.


But why do you want to end thigns? Also, he could maybe learn from it, if it's something kinda big.


hugs. good luck. it's never easy to be the "bad guy"




my pet!




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 3:39pm

Well, we've already talked on the things he dislikes about me, the cleaning, cooking etc.. He is will to deal with but, first it was the comment of losing weight and then that came again last night after we have talked about it. The lack of drive he has. At first it was like oh he is a worka holic why but no he is ok with mediocre jobs and not advancing but also no one has problems but him. I really can't stand that. If I tell how I had a bad day or I am broke (even if I do have a savings account) that people are worse then me but in the same token he can fuss and pout about how he is never given any chances and how unfair life is to him. I mean I guess I have gotten tired of it and though we do not argue it is only because I just leave it alone and before we get to a love hate relationship it is best to move on. Oh and he doesn't watch the news, read the paper but when I tell him something that is there I am told I have to be right. When he going off of what he feels should be right. And, I sit and just think how ignorant. I ask him to watch the news and learn but he isn't listening. I can say he is learning to watch the news but just so many little things I just do not want to burst in the process of waiting. I am use a certain type guy and that is one I can talk with on many levels but him I can not. He is a really good guy but the little things that bother me is to much. I am sure others may be fine with someone eating in the bed but that is not for me.


I hope I answered your question. I guess while I ponder I am getting it all out here. Then when I am ready I will have it all her to say what I need to say.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 4:16pm

My two cents.


You want him to be someone he's not, and he wants you to be someone you're not. My easy answer as to WHY you are ending things, if he asks, "we're forcing ourselves to be people we're not, and forcing this r'ship to be something it's not".


Why do I say that? Because, you already have a pre-judged view of him cuz he doesn't watch the news, and YOU feel he should. Um, that's your values, not his. However, he does the same with you in regards to weight, and whatever else. Basically, for each of you, you're not what the other wants, but something is keeping you there.


Lastly, I don't think these are "little things". I see them as HUGE combatibility issues. If you want a man who can converse with you about the news/politics/etc, then him not being interested isn't "a little thign". trust me.


I'm the opposite, I dont' read the paper, nor do i watch the news. i could careless what is going on in the world. And well, I'd want my guy to probably read/watch a TAD bit more than me, so one of us knows, but isn't someone that has to talk about it to me. Cuz i really could careless. lol. Soo......if he was into the news, politics, on-goings of our nation and the world, and wanted to talk about it, I'd be bored outta my mind and he'd probably think I'm some ignorant woman who lives in a bubble. Compatibility. So, Marie, don't be so hard on yourself, what you wroet shows me its time to move on, MOSTLY cuz you're not compatible, you've been forcing it, cuz he's a "nice guy".





my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 4:32pm
You are right, I have been forcing it, and it solely because he is nice a nice guy. I guess I see so many of my friends get the bad guys. and for compatibility reasons I am unable to stick with the ones I meet, which all have had something that I liked. I know I am going to tell him so not to waste more of his time. I saw how he was last night and he seemed so happy to have me there but I wasn't my mind was on how good I had it with the ex.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
In reply to: cl_bastphilliy
Fri, 04-15-2005 - 4:40pm

Another piece of honesty...it also sounds like you're not over your ex enough to have a r'ship anyhow. You seem to be comparing him to your X, and that's never a good thing. HOWEVER, I know the hardest ppl to break up with are the "good guys" cuz you're right, we immediately think, "he's a great guy, I should be so lucky and happy to be with him" when in fact, you're not.


So, good guy or not, he's not for you. And that's enough of a reason to end thigns.


Good luck. It sucks regardless of HOW you do it.




my pet!




my pet!

Pages