Race???
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Race???
| Sat, 04-16-2005 - 4:19am |
Have you ever struggled over race barriers when it comes to dating?
I ask because here in Missouri there are many men (white) who love BBW but very few (who love black) black. So many times I struggle with long term relationships because my son is black and so am I, but to bring a white man into the picture I wonder the struggle it would cause him. Or id there is other women who have children of one race and struggle


Before you make the decision to date outside of your race, you should first be certain that "you" are ready for it... It's fine to be okay with it, but it's not until you get into the public and society interactions that come with it, will you really find out whether you can handle it or not. You will get the oddest looks from both sides of the spectrum when out in public. Black guys will give you this " sell-out " vibe. You will often receive looks from folks as if they are turning their nose up at you, for being with a white man. However, the white community... will respond totally different. Most white women, will focus more on your man, and proceed with look of "misunderstanding", then they will look over at you, then back at him, and the whole time, its shows on their faces that they are most likely thinking to themselves, (why HER and not me?) and most often with the white men, I get the look of either disgust or I will get a wink or a grin, as if to say ( hot damn, finally a man who had the guts to do what I have always wanted to do.) I chuckle as i am typing this, because you have to be in my shoes to understand. I am a very attractive african-american woman, and my man is a " foine " good looking, white man. So, together we mesmorize the general public. And that's okay with us. We love it, we eat it up. And we both live in the midwest. We live in OKC. And this city has a large black community, however, the majority of the population of this city is white. And the state of Oklahoma, itself carries the general "red neck" mentality.
Also, my first two husbands were black men. My children, are black. And to make matters worse, I have three boys. Ages 14 thru 5. Proud young black men. Strong powerful and positive in their heritage. So when momma, divorced dad and "sold out" (as my eldest put it) - there was a major transformation that had to be made. It was so bad, that when I moved out, and began seriously dating my man now, my son told me that he did not like it, and he did not want to be around it. Then, he moved back home with my Ex. But you have to understand, that is my understanding of the way I raised my boys. Speak your mind and stand firm in your beliefs. And my son did not want to "see" me with anyone other than his father for starters, but then a man outside of our race, was the last straw for him. Did it break my heart? Yes. Did it make me cry? Yes. Did it make me deny the man I was growing to love and whom I wanted to be a part of my life? No. Should it have? Well, that depends on who you ask. And you must understand, if you cannot tell, already. I come from a long lineage of strong black women, and I raised my babies to be the same. My son is most comfortable around the Black male figure, as a mentor, teacher, leader and role model. And I, DO NOT and WILL NOT EVER, fault him for that. Because the bottom line is, whomever momma chooses to love and have a relationship with is MOMMA's decision and no one else's. So therefore, "Baby Boy" is just gonna have to understand. And we he get's older, he will understand better. My son and I love eachother. I am still his mother. And I allowed him the opportunity to speak his mind to me about the subject, however when discussion was finally all said and done.... I am the adult. And I make the decisions for myself. My son visit's however often he wants to, and he is respectful at all times. We all get along fine. And he knows to leave that "angry black man" metallity on the other side of the door, when he comes to visit me or when we are all (my man, included) out together.
Girl, I could go on and on typing about the complexities of this situation, what I have just told you about is only the tip of the iceberg. But I will end this message for now, and hope to soon hear your response.
Jazzy.
Hi that was a good topic. You might not reconize my screen name but I have changed it.
I am mixed my mother is white and my father is purto rican. My mother went through hell when she was preggo with me because she wasn't married and was preggo with a mixed baby.
My family disowned her while she was preggo and then when I was born she took me to see them and they accepted me because I looked "White". To this day I still get pissed about them but I only see them once a year.
I have always been more attracted to hispanic men or Italian. I am not really attracted to white men nor am I attracted to black men.
My 7 yr old daughters dad is full purto rican. So she is basically full purto rican but she took on the lighter features like me. (her dad could almost pass for a black man cause he is a very dark latin man.)
I 've gotten looks before when I was out with my daughters dad and other ex bfs that I was out with (they were latin) but what people don't understand is that I am half latin myself even though I don't look it that much. So it kind of make me laugh how arrogant people can be.
I live in a major city and there are so many cultures.
-Michelle
Edited 4/18/2005 11:40 am ET ET by sassygal2325
As strange as this is..........not really, but read on.............my "race" dilemma comes with the fact that I'm asian. And well, there are MANY white males who LOVE to date asian women cuz they think we're all going to be passive and treat them like gold even if they walk all over us. I've gotten asked out by many white men who "prefer" asians. And well, normally they don't like me cuz I'm outspoken, I refuse to be their mommy and I'm stubborn as heck. So, it's maybe a bit more prejudism versus racism, but still, same thing. they wanna date me cuz i'm asian. not for who i am inside. hence, i dont' date white men anymore.
My cousin, who's asian, is now married to a black man. Lemme tell you how bad this was, I feel for them. My brother refused to go to the wedding. My cousin said he'd go, ONLY out of respect for my cousin getting married, but he was NOT supporting the wedding. My uncle went, only because my aunt forced him to. My grandmother probably died that day. I had a problem with the marriage, NOT because he was black, but because of who he was. However, all the people listed above, had a problem with the color of his skin.
My mom raised me colorblind, and I am. However, I haven't really felt like people were racist to me, maybe because i was raised in a very culturally diverse area, or because I dont' see it, or cuz i jsut don't care. Heck, my mom said I thought I was mexican for the longest time, cuz that's who all my friends were. lol. But overall, I just don't care. Never noticed any dirty looks, or whatevers. Maybe i'm more than colorblind. I'm blind to the racists instead.
I am caucasian and my bf is latino (Peruvian). I never thought anything about it when we started dating. In this area pretty much everyone is a mixed couple, so we don't turn any heads, plus I have dark hair and dark eyes. I have only dated white men in the past. My bf has mostly dated only white women. He said he prefers white women because they are not subserviant like alot of latin women and they are more independent.
The only thing that has made me uncomfortable with our relationship is what I am called by his family. His family calls me the gringa (white girl). At first, I took it as an insult.. like I was being labeled. Yes I know I am white, so you don't have to call me that. :o) My bf explained that this is not an insult, just a way of referring to me. I said why don't they just use my name when they are referring to me. As I hung around them more, I realized they do this with everyone in their family. His sister is called china (cheena) because she looks Chinese. He is chino. His niece is called gordo, because she is a little heavy. So, it is not just me...everyone has a label evidently...so I can let it go. :o) It is just one of those family quirks.