Guess I made a decision

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Guess I made a decision
1
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 4:59pm
I am the one who was trying to figure out whether or not to give my boyfriend an ultimatum (see "I want to get married!"). I thought I had my mind made up that I was going to give him a verbal ultimatum. But over the weekend, we ended up at a beautiful winery where a young man walked in with his girlfriend and announced to everyone that he had just proposed to his girlfriend and she said yes. That made my heart sink. I was so jealous. Later that day we drove through this town and right past a shop full of beautiful wedding dresses. That bummed me out to. The icing on the cake was yesterday we went for a short walk/hike in a park near our town, and when we stopped to sit on a bench, there was a plaque attached to the bench that read "Here, Donna accepted my proposal on (date)". It seemed like marriage was all over the place and I finally broke down in tears and asked him if he was ever going to propose to me. I thought I was ready to leave him, but he made me realize that it simply is not the right time for him. It wasn't the right time for me a year ago, and just because now I am stable and ready for this doesn't mean I can expect him to be at the same moment. He explained to me that in oprder for him to get married, he would like to take on the responsibility of buying a house and making sure that he can take care of me and a couple of kids financially. I guess that's how lots of men are. I mean, can I really be upset with the guy for wanting to give me security? The fact is, I am not in a rush to get married, so why rush him? I felt like because we have been together for 3 years, that somehow that means we SHOULD be getting married, but I think I am realizing that everyone has their own unique story and it just isn't time for us. I am just trying to have faith that someday it will be the right time for BOTH of us. For now I am going to forget about marriage and just be thankful that I have someone in my life who is so wonderful to me. Thanks to all of you who posted and gave me advice. Whether I ended up taking it or not, I REALLY enjoyed and appreciated reading your responses!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 04-18-2005 - 5:12pm

Hi Violetbloom,
I'm so glad to read your post and see that you came to the understanding that timing really IS important. Thanks for sharing.

I think if you went back and re-read a lot of the original responses, you'd gain even more benefit from it now that you're seeing it in a new light ... that having patience in the situation can (and more than likely will!) have its rewards!

Good luck!