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| Mon, 04-18-2005 - 7:07pm |
I would just like to have some advice. I have been friends with this guy for almost 2 years now. Unfortunately I have not seen him for nearly an entire year, yet we still are able to talk for 5 hours at a time.
Some history: I met this guy through my friend who was dating him at the time. A year ago I had invited my friend to my parents home for thanksgiving. She insisted on bringing her boyfriend, and so I ended up inviting him as well. Well, a week before we were to go, they broke up. My friend insisted that I dis-invite him, but I told her that was a decision that he would have to make. I could not dis-invite him. In the end he came, and it made for one of the most awkward weekends of my life. She would not talk to him, and he would not talk to her. And what made it worse was that my parents said that it was plain to see why he came along... it was for me. A few months after that he essentially asked me to be more than friends. At the time I was not ready, and was still a little disconserted about what had happened a few months prior. Even though I refused a more intimate relationship with him, we still talked constantly. He would even meet me for breakfast during the week, and we would talk occasionally. Then a few months later he went to study overseas and I had transferred to another school. I did not hear a word from him while he was away. But upon his return he contacted me instantly. And when I first started talking to him he seemed very distant and reserved, but just a month or so ago he seemed to become more intimate with our conversations. And now, even though I have not seen him in a year we are still able to talk forever about anything.
Question: I suppose I am just trying to figure out just where he is at, and if something is there. I would ask him, but I am afraid I might risk the friendship. And I don't know what to do. Things have progressed...well progressed as much as they can in a long-distance relationship (friendship). I just don't know if this is worth pursing now that essentially we will always be separated by distance. Or if a relationship beyond friends would be viable?

is_anyothername...
Pianoguy doesn't have to tell you that LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS aren't the next best thing to being there! You probably are aware of this by now?
Unless the man makes some more serious moves in your direction (and I'm talking beyond the intimate conversations you have on the phone)....consider what you have as a good, close, enjoyable....FRIENDSHIP!
From my perspective: depends how old you are and how quickly you want to get married (see my own post). If you're 25, I'd say that you have all the time in a world to find out where your friendship can take you. If you're like me, almost 30 and desperately wanting to settle down, I'd say to take matters into your own hands and confront him about his feelings towards you. You may want to do the latter over drinks or at a time when both of you are relaxed so it doesn't seem as you're forcing the issue too hard. My grandmother always said that if a man is interested, he'll let you know.
Hello and welcome is_anyothername!
It seems to me that you have a great friendship with a great guy and for many factors involved, I would personally try to leave it at that and value his friendship greatly.
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
Thanks for all the advice. It is always good to hear other perspectives.
Why did they break up? My friend said that he told her it was going to fast, and that, honestly, he did not see a future with her. And, apparently this was all very sudden. My friend had no idea that the breakup was coming. That is all she told me. At one point he tried to tell me why they broke up, but I inisited that he didn't. At that point I did not want to be in the middle of things.