Having doubts, advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
Having doubts, advice?
4
Tue, 04-19-2005 - 10:19pm

Hi Everybody!
I hoping someone will be able to help me with this.

I have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 years now off and on. He is 30 and Im 23. Lately I have been havin real doubts about us. I care about him alot but Im not sure if he is the one for me. How are you suppose to know? Sometimes Im happy and think he is it for me and other times like now Im wondering and Im so confused! There are a few reasons Im having doubts but the main reason is I have a crush on this guy I work with! I think about him alot, I even invited him to a club I was going to over the weekend and he came! He knows I have a boyfriend so I dont think he likes me but I can't help think if I didnt have a boyfriend, would he be into me? That is another thing about me, I keep going from relationship to another and I know that is not healthy. I dont plan it like that, it just happens. Anyways, Im trying to convince myself not to break up with my boyfriend for my crush but part of me wants to know what would happen, if anything. This happened to me last summer, I had a crush on another guy and was thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend but I didnt. I ended up falling back in love with my boyfriend, and feeling guilty about having those feelings. So I dont know what to do, Im a mess. I do care about my boyfriend and It would be hard for me to break up with him. I would miss him. But what does having crushes on other people say about my relationship?

Sorry so long and thanks for reading!
Emily

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 1:29am
No, he's not the one. Your young and want to experience the world. And you should. If you tie yourself to one person now you will feel regret for all the people you can't date and all the things you can't do. Time is on your side. Don't be exclusive to any one guy as it's not fair to either one of you. You need to meet dozens of different guys in order to really know what you want in a partner. When THE one comes along you won't have any doubts and will not feel this urge to experiment. Just remember to use condoms if you have sex. The more you meet and talk with different men, the less chance of making a bad choice in a partner because you did not know any better. There are lots of nice guys and lots of real creeps that can pass as nice guys. You need to learn to tell the difference. Keep your standards really high and you'll get a great man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 2:27pm

So your only doubt is because a guy who you're crushing on has come into the picture??


There's an old saying for that.... the grass is always greener.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 8:53pm
I truly think it's so hard to know. I'm 30 and my friends and I talk about this often. Some of my married friends aren't even sure... Being 23, I guess I would try to figure how important it is for you to be in a stable relationship. My advice would be to date more guys, but I also know that the older you get, the harder it is to meet men. I think it's normal to get bored in relationships, but that's when you need to put more work into them. I don't know many people who stay head-over-heels about their boyfriend/husband without putting a lot of time and energy into the relationship. I'm not sure if I've helped, but I just wanted to let you know that what you are feeling is common.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Thu, 04-21-2005 - 1:12pm

In your original post you say you have a few doubts about your relationship aside from the crush. So what are they? I think that the types of doubts you are having make all the difference. I think having a crush outside of your relationship is a pretty common thing, and normally I would say that it isn't a reason to end a relationship; especially because there are plenty of ways to get to know a new person without cheating on your boyfriend and more likely than not, you'll realize that your crush isn't half as fabulous as you had imagined he was. However, if you don't feel that you and your bf want the same things out of life or you aren't at all attracted to him or you don't respect him for some reason, then maybe it is time to move on.... I think more info would help to get you the best advice.

Just my 2 cents.