Is he coming back?
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| Fri, 04-22-2005 - 6:54pm |
I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and like everyone else on this board...we had our ups and downs...but no matter how upset we made each other, within less than 10 minutes...the phrase,"You know you love me" would roll out and it was the honest truth regardless, everytime that was it, and it was Ok. History on us...we are both in the fashion industry, stubborn,wild once, and the first day we met we just knew, I kid you not-Any given time of any day we had to always be with each other. We had become anti night scene into full pledge young family...We missed each when one wasn't around and we lived together...
The problem-
Monday I recieve a call at 8PM that, "I love you and moving back to Florida...this is your last chance to say anything to me." and he was near Texas (We live in LA). He wanted me to stop him and ask him to come home, but at that moment I did not even know what to say but that "I do love him but obviously there is something I could not stop that made you drive that far...bottom line still I love you"...All I knew was that my son and I (6 yrs)were at home waiting for him and instead he left without physically saying goodbye, I never saw him leave-it just hit like a ton of bricks. By 10PM after I realize we was not joking I then called to make him come back, but he wouldn't pick up the phone and only texted me that I am too late. A few days before he ran away, he would text randomly if I love him, and I would text back saying yes, or babe,I love you...I didnt think anything serious about it...
For the past week I have been waiting for him to come home, stay up at night, and call in a way where I let him know that I am not mad but to atleast respect me and my son who my boyfriend who plays a big role in his life. I have never exposed my son to any guy that I was dating because I wanted to be careful...My boyfriend wanted to be apart of my sons life that since he was 4 he had raised my son to know him as a parent (but not biological father)...He would say, "We are you parents..." etc... I am still waiting, and I want to know whats going on. He will not call me, or even text me. He picked up and left during the process of purchasing a home that needs repairs up the yin yang, a court settlement case, and more importantly my son, our son thinks hes coming home and continues to draw pictures of all three of us.
I would only expect the truth and want the truth...not an explanation...I just wanted to know if he was coming back? Let me know if it is truly over, so I can take it as it is and have no choice to go forward. All he will text me is "phone on silent" "I left my mase on washer,hide it from J before he finds it"....how about instead of "phone on silent"(which I recieve for the day and thats it) he should text "I am not coming back" "Its over" anything to confirm its done. He knows I love him to pieces, and I know that he loves me to, and if it is a lie to him then he should not have problem to say the simple truth that I need. We are on opposite sides of the US and hes too far for me to go postal, and I dont have anything to of his to hold hostage...I just don't understand, and it hurts me really bad that I wait...I wait for any moment I could hear his footsteps walking in towards our room and I could jump on him, hug,kiss, and punch him in the belly for doing that to me...
Can someone tell me what is going on? I mean I have had some friends say, "Dude, he drove to Florida. Probably not." If hes, not-why can't he text that he wont come back...he doesnt even have to use his voice but his two thumbs to communicate for him. If he feels I blew it,and wants to be left alone I would only expect him to text it instantly so I can stop asking...
Thanks in advance and sincerely,
Becky

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how old are you both?
was he going thru a divorce or anything prior
i had something similar happen
he had been going thru a divorce and i was there for support as well as a place to stay
when he got his life together and his house he left
I am 26 and he is 30. I can think of is that he was going through a tough time since he freelances and the project that he is currently working on is on hold because he has been putting alot of time and energy into the fixer upper house, and our court case. I have always been ok in supporting us as long as I knew he was working towards other things that needed equal attention, except paying for things that he should have used better judgement i.e. parking tickets,etc...He would like it that we could switch roles, and I would love to stay at home most days, to be a soccer mom, and nurture our landscape plans...at this very moment its not allowable...He definately had been eager to grow in our family and a chance happenned a month and half ago but I felt that were not ready and having a baby may be a happy thing but at the same token a strain on our situations...Honestly, it was my choice and not his-I felt he did a good job in expressing his concerns to reconsider and not making it hard on me when the time had come. Hes never been married, or has any kids of his own, good relations with his parents especially mother. I had not ever known him to abandon any type of personal property but he had abandoned an asset that was for us. As in looks wise I think we are a very good looking young hip family and I believe people had given us many compliments because they are attracted to our energy and laughs...
At this point I dont know why?
Huh? IF, and please correct me if I am wrong, I understand your post correctly--you made a decision to abort a child; he asked you to reconsider his thoughts before you took that action; you, apparently, did not, and he didn't do much to change your mind. Yet, you say he abandoned an asset that was for the two of you. NO, honey, you BOTH took the path of least resistance. Now, you're wondering why he has chosen to eliminate himself from your life and that of your son. This has NOTHING to do w/being a 'young, hip' family.
You blame him for not being more assertive and stepping up to the plate to be a true father; he blames you for eliminating his child. True? Unfortunately, dear, that's a no-win situation. I am so sorry for the two of you and the life that has been lost.
Rachel's Vineyard is all over the United States, and I'd encourage you to take advantage of the services that wonderful organization can offer YOU so you can heal from this experience and, as a corollary, heal your young child--he's your future and deserves the best you can offer him.
Please, please, post and let us know how you are, would you?
As of right now, I miss him so much and still love him. The purpose of the house we chose carefully and thoughtfully after the abortion which is directly across the street from an elementary in a beautiful family environment and area, and we chose this house to work,design,and landscape it together including our son, and to build a foundation to bring in a child. I felt that at that specific time we would not have been ready,only because I am the only one that is on salary and can afford to take care of us...We did not fight or argue, and were both very sensitive to what each had to say. Believe me it is not that I do not want to have another child, but I would from experience want to have our foundation first and be mentally, physically, and financially prepared. My first commitment is towards my son who I had at 20 and going through college to recieve my degrees, and working to pay tuition was hard for the both of us because I wanted to make sure that I could provide for him w/or w/o his biological father. My parents helped a huge deal in taking care of him between school and part time job,but I felt guilty because I wanted to be the one to put him to bed at night, and he knew mommy was at school but he wanted me to stay with him. I struggled the first 4 years of his life to be a good provider for him and I felt that having a child now would be unfair to the both of them, in the sense I/we would not be able to provide as much as we should, and force another parent to work longer hours/or another shift which ideally I would want all of us to be together, not one parent absent as the other is there. Now I am in the field that I have studied for, and still climbing but not there yet. I did not want to have an unbalance that would effect the family's well being, including the unborn baby. He understood, and we both felt that once our foundation was set we could grow in faith that our unborn child soul will come back to be one of the last pieces to the puzzle of our family story.
If he would have voiced his feeling of lost, he should have confided in me...we would have worked on it together...If this is the reason, I understand and want him to truly know,yet even to accept the fact he still has to let us know if hes coming back or not and simply put..."I am or not coming back."
Bex, I'm very sorry to hear what's happened to you and I'm not going to condone his running out on you ~ but in a big way, you have brought this on yourself.
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
Thank you...After the abortion I did feel awful, in my heart I did want to have this baby but knowing that I we cannot support the baby had been a big factor. I can't change what decision I have done and if he expressed how strongly he felt I would have reconsidered, because maybe I would be able to feel that he is confident enough and secure with himself to lead our family. Obviously, after the abortion we were really like, lets get our foundation because we shouldn't have done that...If he is hurting, I understand...I've taken in that he is not here now, my son however is different...I try to explain to him everyday that he didn't leave in total. That the good times they have will always be here in memories, and he has you in his heart too...
I know its such a stupid question...I just wonder will he miss us? Because after the anger, hurt, etc goes away you still love...
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