He has some doubts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
He has some doubts...
4
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 11:18pm

Well, I have posted some messages before and received great advice.. so here I'm again.

Background: BF and me are both 27 yrs old and have been dating for almost 3 yrs. For the past 3 mths, we have been are ups and downs... we even took a minor break for a few weeks. But lately, I felt things were getting better. We were communicating better, and just taking it day by day.

Well, last night... he dumped me. :( He says he is doing this for our relationship. That lately he has been thinking about the future (marriage.. getting engaged, ending bachelorhood), and wants to be 100% sure that I'm "the one." He says he loves me very much, and can't imagine out on a date with another girl... but also says that when he goes out with his friends he wonders about other girls. I'm very confused about this! I asked him if he was seeing someone or if this was influenced by someone, and he looked me straight in the eyes and said no. For me, I know he's the one for me, and I have told him this before. He says that this has nothing to do with something that I did.. it's about him and what he wants.

So what's going on here.. does he need just a few months to try to figure things out? Will he come back to me or is this just a nice way of saying "see ya later?"

He says he wants to still be friends, but I'm thinking that this might not be a good idea. Should I still talk to him while doing this "soul searching" or do I just cut him off and make him miss me? I'm thinking about just cutting him off all communications.

Any advice would be wonderful..
Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 11:43pm
seems hes giving you mixed signals here on one hand hes saying he loves you and cant see himself with anyone else then on other hand when hes out he wonders about it, thats not really fair to you at all, he cant have his cake and eat it, i would let him stew for alit dont show any emotion to his decision let him be the one who should think about wat hes missing is right
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Sun, 04-24-2005 - 12:53pm

Hello Sweetie! My two pennies from reading your post - he is ready to move on and doesn't want to hurt you any more than necessary. Please listen carefully to what a man says to you, yes I agree he's giving you mixed signals, but look at his actions. That should tell you all you need to know. I know this hurts like all hell, but your feelings are way much invested than his and trust me he knows this - that's why he is trying to let you down easy. Take care and good luck to you. Please stay in touch with us and let us know how things turn out.

P.S. - being friends can happen after break-ups, but IMHO you have too much emotions for him to even try at this stage, please give it some time. Hope I'm makin sense.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Sun, 04-24-2005 - 1:12pm
I'm sorry, but it sounds like he wants to keep his options open. Maybe wants to see if he can do better. That would be a little understandable considering the relationship has had some "difficulties". No excuse, though. Just let him go. He's said what he wants, he's making it pretty clear, actually. I'm sorry, I know you have to be hurting. Go on and find someone who wouldn't DREAM of dumping you to move on. Someone who revolves around your world. It's possible, believe me. Y'all had a long relationship and it will take you time to recover but if you try, you can do it. Move on. Do every little thing that makes you happy and brightens your world. Good luck to you. We all deserve the best, you included. Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 1:41am
It's about HIM and what HE wants. Most guys talk in code. Girls lay it all on the line and say everything they feel. Guys give you vague hints. He sees other girls and is curious means he wants sex with other girls. He wants to stay friends with you and know you'll be there for him means: if there's a weekend he can't get lucky with someone else, he'd like to come back and use you for sex. Of course he added how much he loves you to keep you from screaming and crying...guys HATE that. Like all the others said, move on and take up hobbies like dance lessons, cooking classes, art, or anything that sounds interesting or fun. It will introduce you to new people and make it so much easier to forget him.