Am I weird or is he?
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| Mon, 04-25-2005 - 5:53pm |
Hi all
I saw a message board called "Is it meant to be?" and couldn't believe my luck - just what I was wondering about! Everyone seems pretty good at dishing out the advice so here goes (if that's OK?!);
I managed to get to the age of 28 without ever having a relationship last longer than 6 weeks. Partly cuz I was very shy around guys, partly cuz when I COULD talk to them I acted like a big slut and partly cuz I've spent quite a lot of time working overseas and travelling. Anyway, five months ago I started dating somebody and much to my amazement we're still together. Problem is, I can't decide if it's right or not and, not having a basis for comparison, I really can't tell if either of our behaviour's is normal!
My causes for concern (if it's ok to list them?):
People on boards like this talk about guys calling them every night - he so doesn't do that, he'll text me most days but not always. However, if I don't text or email him he'll usually ask why I haven't. Is that normal? I typically send about 30 texts a day (not to him!) so to me he seems uncommunicative - is it just my addiction?
He doesn't like kissing as much as I do. Personally, I could spend hours just making out with someone but he says he's never been into doing that and would find five minutes at a stretch too long. I think he's not exactly truthful in that cuz I've certainly kissed him for longer than that without complaint but he says that he likes kissing me and will do it cuz he knows I like it. Is he too unkissy or am I too kissy?
I come from an extremely close, large family. Although I only have two brothers I have about 30 first cousins and also see most of my second and -once removed cousins regularly. We're all pretty loud, passionate people who lose our tempers very quickly but hug and kiss when we see each other (no, we're not Italian!). My father died a few years ago but he and my mother had a very happy marriage and she still misses him a lot. I', also very close to my friends who I've mostly known since we were kids. He went to boarding school from the age of 12, his parents divorced when he was 14 and they currently live about 600 miles apart, he's roughly in the middle. He sees them and his brother about twice a year and, when he was growing up was never allowed to wear jeans, was made to drink carrot juice and had to shake hands to say hello to his dad. He "lost the numbers" of all his school friends but one who has now gone travelling. Everyone he went to uni with is "a tosser" and he only goes out with people from work. Are we too different?
Last weekend he scared me a lot by referring to his flat as "our home", talking about "our mugs" and splitting rent. He also asked me to go to Turkey with him (his brother works there) in September. This weekend he wouldn't even commit seeing each other mid-week! I don't want to move in with him but wouldn't mind hanging out on the odd Wednesday! I know he works a lot of overtime and I don't expect him not to work to see me cuz we spend all weekend together usually but I'm busy too (I'm doing a degree as well as working full time and doing a professional qualification - plus I actually see my friends!) and it sometimes feels as if he's "letting" me see him. When I try and regain the power by having plans for the whole weekend that don't include him he looks all hurt and since I know he'll just sit in and watch TV on his own I feel bad and invite him along - do I need to be tougher about it? Is he confused, a typical boy or chronically selfish?
Haha! I'm so sorry for writing an essay! Any advice would be gratefully received and if I can reciprocate I'll happily do so (but probably best not about relationships!!)
Love Sarah
xxx

Hi simsfan and welcome...and boy are you going to get LOTS of advice from all ends of the spectrum.
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
Well thank you all for the advice! One thing I guess I should have borne in mind is that when you ask for advice you don't always like the answer you get! Luckily when you do get a wide range of answers you can pick the ones you like best!
I especially loved being told to RUN! Unfortunately, sage advice though it, is I don't think I can quite bring myself to do it yet.
Steffy, you really made me think about the kissing, I don't imagine I could keep going for 10 minutes myself without it turning into something else! So that may not be as much of a problem as it is in my head.
I AM going to stop worrying about meant to be's and whether our backgrounds' make us compatible (no, he's not Turkish by the way, his brother just teaches sailing there in the summer) and concentrate on the fact that we do get on very well most of the time and I fancy him like mad.
If it all goes horribly wrong then all won't be lost - since I've never had a "serious" relationship before I've never had my heart broken and I really do think I should experience everything, even the horrible things, at least once!
Thanks again,
Sarah
xxx