Now I know why....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2005
Now I know why....
10
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 2:28pm
Started seeing this guy about 5 years ago. I had just got out of a relationship and my son was only 6 months old. Met this wonderful guy, who was like a breath of fresh air. I was so hurt from my previous relationship he felt that i needed my space and we "split" for a while. I was kind of hurt because we had fell in love, i never really tried to get back to him, why i dont know, i had practically begged my prev b/f and i said i would never humiliate myself like that again. The guy and I always kept in touch, we still loved each other, but we never try to get back together. He didnt ask, neither did i, however we both felt the same. I ended up getting in a new relationship, but my heart was still heavy on him. We still kept in contact when ever i needed him he was there for me, he never let me wonder about how he felt, but because i dont chase men, i never initated trying to get back together because i was waiting for him. He finally did ask, but i couldnt answer, mainly because i was in something else (very unhappy though) So finally me and the other guy broke up. The love of my life started to pursue me, hard! So, I finally broke down, little lunches became, dates and seeing him here and there became frequently, phone calls here and there became everyday, multiple times a day. This went on for a year and a half. Recently i got a text someone saying that he was engaged, i was devastated and I asked him about it and he said, no he wasnt. I knew that he had a new baby by another woman, that wasnt his girlfriend, because i knew her. I promised me he wasnt engaged and that He loves me and no one or anything could ever come between us dont tear us apart etc...so i left it alone but it was in the back of my mind, he spent the night with me we went out of town a few times, we were always together. So, the other day i started getting sick to my stomach and something just told me to check local bridal registries and some stores and i did! I found his name, but because his name was so common i didnt get all shaken up. I went to a people search site and type Her name in and i found her phone number and address. I called the number and He answered, I was so hurt. and we talked about it i explained to him how disapointed I am in him, and he stated that when he first started back seeing me that he never thought he would fall in love with me again. Sad part is hes been cheating on her since day one even with the new baby. I couldnt get mad at him, because in a way I feel bad for him, because I dont think he is happpy, i just think he is content. Because I was a former cheater, I am more forgiving to the act, however he decieved me for a year. I dont know what to do. I really dont want him to get married because as a friend I know he is not ready. I did call her and informed her of our relationship and the baby, and she said she has gone through this before with him, my thought is that she is going to marry him anyway. He stated that he felt pressured into getting married. I dont know how true that is, but i want to try and belive him. but he said something crazy like, dont worry i cant do the same things in bed with my fiance that I do with you because I dont enjoy sex with her. (since i have been knowing him hes felt like sex wasnt important)they only do it about every 2 months or so. Im floored I dont know if i should believe him or not. Hellllllp!!! I dont know what to do.


Edited 4/26/2005 2:39 pm ET ET by confuzzzed
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 2:54pm

You should lose his number, realize that the man you THOUGHT you loved, isn't the man he is and slowly move on. I know it won't be easy, but it's time to cut him out of your life.


HE is choosing his path, jsut as SHE is choosing hers. If they are to divorce later, that's not any of your concern. Many ppl marry due to children, unhappily and well, that's the choice THEY live with. You can't change his mind.


Also, the fact that he's cheated and lied since day one with you, AND her, only goes to show you how "honorable" he is. Yes, he SAYS he's doing the honorable thing by marrying the mother of his child, but at the same time, he's disrespecting his soon-to-be vows, his fiance, and you.


Again, I know how much this must hurt, as I kinda went thru the same thing. I told my xf, "go back to your gf, make things right and work on it. I could have you so easily, but you chose to lie and cheat. I no longer want you". Granted this made him pursue me harder, but it just goes to show you, they pursue what they can't have. And they'll do the same to you. If he can cheat on YOU (the love of his life) and HER (his soon to be wife), he can cheat on anyone.


I put it this way. If a person cheats, for love. Fine. I can relate. But if you truly love the person, you will end one of the two r'ships. He wants his cake and to eat it too. You only know a SMALL portion of their r'ship or what is true. And now, you can question if your's was a lie or not.


Let go, move on. See him for who he IS, not who you wish he was.






my pet!




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 3:21pm
thank you. However the woman he is about to marry does not have any children. He had a child while he was with her by another woman. He has 3 children by three different women. She only knew about 2. I asked him how was he going to get married and not tell her about the child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 4:08pm

Ohmigod. Even more reason to get out of this man's life.


He's marrying a woman who doesn't know he has a kid, or had a kid while they were dating? I'm sorry, but his sense of "honesty" isn't even in tact.


Hugs. I know it hurts and everything, but trust me, it's time to walk out of his life forever.






my pet!




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 4:19pm

Well, after the first message ~ I had a reasonably nice response to encourage you that you deserved someone who was more upfront with everyone in his life.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 4:23pm
If sex isn't really important to this guy why does he sleep with so many women? Does he just like illigitimate children to support? You, my Dear, are in love with a bunch of lies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 2:51am
You are blind to all the facts. He's a liar a cheat and a really good con artist. Those poor babies that he created will grow up without a loving father by their side. He'll continue to con women into bed and probably tell the next one he meets that he sees you but the sex with YOU is awful. By the way, that's the oldest line in the book. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Half the population of this planet is male. There are millions of guys out there. Dump this zero.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 5:52am

Ladies:

If you take nothing else away from this post: Avoid Johnny Appleseeds like the plague.

I seriously don't get why women are with men who are out having kids left and right with different women. If that's not a neon sign on his forehead I don't know what is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 8:01am
i guess i was just naive, i tried to give him the benefit of the doubt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 10:13am
I don't understand why you're so confused...it's pretty plain to me. This guy is a liar, and a cheat. Is that the kind of person you want to spend your life with? You say you can forgive the cheating. How many times are you willing to do so? How many lies can you put up with? He sounds like a master manipulator who wants his cake and eat it too and he wants you to spoon feed it to him. Five words....run, and don't look back. Good luck to you, I wish you the best. Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 10:13am
The only person you should ever give the benefit of the doubt to is yourself. Protect yourself because if you don't, no one will. Good luck to you.