Need a translator......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2005
Need a translator......
7
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 12:08am
Hello all. Briefly, I've been dating a guy for 8 months. We have been exclusive, however, we have not had "the talk" nor have we used the "L" word. He's 40 and I'm 39 (as of yesterday). He signed my birthday card "Lots of love". Is this his way of say "I love you, but I'm afraid to admit it?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 1:12am
That's a tough one. Only he would know what that means. I have friends that sign the same thing. Lady friends, married couples and seniors all sign that when they send me a card. It may be embarrassing but I think the only way to know is to ask him. Then again, if it was me I would wait for him to actually say the L word.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 9:38am
I agree with the other poster, I think you simply need to ask him what saying "I love you" means to him. I have had a simiar experience. I've been dating my bf for 8 months as well, and we just began using the L-word only two weeks ago! Previously, however, I had asked him about his history using the L-word and got his opinions on saying it, etc. He told me that for him, saying I love you is something that is really important and it signifies a commitment to a person so he did not want to say it to anyone unless he really meant it. Also, he mentioned that in the past he had said it to people only to later realize that he was not really in love with them at all. So, back to your situation, I'd say it's possible that saying I love you is a really big deal to your bf and that is why he has not said it; however, I think you should ask him because then you will know for sure.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 10:06am
Some guys are just afraid of the words....can't seem to say 'em. Don't know if that's the case here or not. There's only one way to find out...tell him how you feel about him. Personally, I would have to know. I told my SO that I loved him first (a biggie and a first for me, he's 10 years younger and my generation just didn't do that )..and his response was I love you to death. But his tone implied that he wasn't "in love" with me at that point. I found out later that he WAS in love with me but was too scared to say it then. I knew that sometimes we don't get another chance to say what's on our minds (my husband died when he was 47) so I wasn't about to wait. Needless to say, this has been the best relationship of my life. Just tell the guy. See what his response is. My question though, are you happy in a relationship with a man who is not so open? It seems to me that if he really felt strongly about you then he would have already told you. Unless he's not the vocal type. They say that you can tell how a man really feels by the things he does for you. Is he always there for you? If your tires need air does he put air in them for you? Is he protective? These are just very small examples...look at the things he DOES more than what he says. But, whatever he says, by all means, take him at his word...Good luck and let us know how it goes. Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 3:07pm

L-O-V-E. A four letter word. Actions are best at knowing if someone cares for you. Why would throwing the word LOVE around prove anything anyways?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 3:23pm

"L-O-V-E. A four letter word. Actions are best at knowing if someone cares for you. Why would throwing the word LOVE around prove anything anyways?"





my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 3:24pm

I'd say ask him or wait for the words.


My dbf, while we were "dating casually" said to me, "you know I love you, but if you ever wear that, I'm going to have to walk away and laugh" but he wasn't in love with me. He would also sign his emails, "love, K" and well, he wasn't IN love with me, but he did care about me a lot.


Hence, in his world, "i love you" wasn't the same as what he said to me before.






my pet!




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Wed, 04-27-2005 - 4:01pm
Hear, hear...Personally, I want a man who is secure enough with himself and open enough with the lines of communication to TELL me how he feels about me. AND has the actions to back himself up. My gosh, when he tells me he adores me,and I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he means it, you tell me how I must feel when he say stuff like that. Puts me on top of the world....Becky