Sorry I'm not around much anymore
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| Mon, 05-02-2005 - 9:40am |
Hey Steffy and anyone else who is curious,
Sorry, I'm not around as much any more. Work has been kind of nuts lately. A friend and coworker quit recently.
It has had me doing a lot of thinking lately about who I am and what is good for me.
You see me friend is really troubled and while technically I was her boss I let a lot of things slide because I was her friend. But the truth was, she really isn't in a place where I can help her. I've tried. Her husband is a very negative influence in her life, but she can't seem to see past the security he represents. She's unhappy, but she's in denial. I was her last real friend and I'm sure he's convinced her I'm not and that's why she quit. I'm very sad for her but I'm coming to except the fact that I can't save her from herself she has to do that on her own.
I have learned a very important thing about myself. It's too hard for me to be around people who ruin their own lives. People who stubbornly refuse to except reality and responsibility for making their life better. I can't allow myself to care about people like that because it's simply too painful to then watch them complete their slow motion train wreck. And it's definitely to trying and emotionally draining to continually give them good advice and offer them support only to have them ignore it or throw it in my face. Only to watch the reality I predict unfold and them to come to me crying saying they should have listened only to ignore me to their own detriment time and time again.
I understand that everyone must choose their own path and that sometimes the only way to learn life's lessons is through trial and error. Heck, it's how I got here. But what I have learned about myself is that sometimes that process is just too painful for me to watch.
Which is the other reason I don't visit as much. It's also why I tend to only respond to certain posts. It's because there are a lot of people here that simply aren't at a place in their lives where they are willing to except what I have to say. So I only respond to those who I think are ready to hear what I have to say and give it legitimate consideration instead of immediately disregarding it because it isn't what they want to hear.
I think I know as well as anyone how painful and how difficult it can be to look inside yourself and see things you don't like or to be offered a different perspective and see the truth in it you don't want to see. It really sucks, but it's the only way to grow and learn. Avoiding pain, avoiding the difficult, leads to emotional degeneration. In order to experience life fully we have to learn to except the pain life brings and to fully appreciate the joy.
Trying to avoid pain only prolongs it. I know it, I've done it. But pain is an unavoidable part of life and denying it is denying the inevitable. It's like denying reality, denying the truth in your heart. Denial seems to shield us and makes us feel better in the short term, but in the long run it hurts us immeasurably.
The path of least resistance is often fraught with so many more obstacles once we are on it. What appears to be the easy way out is so often filled with unseen pitfalls.
I guess I just wish I could share with people the truths I have found for myself. I know I can’t. I know that my truths are not everyone's truths. I only hope that we all someday find the courage to search for and find our own truth and embrace it and to continue to do that. It's not something you just find one time and then move on, it's something you do everyday of your life. Because you change everyday of your life. It's the only real way to be happy.
Hiding and denying truth and reality imprisons you.
It really is like Robert Frost says:
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
Take the road less traveled. It may appear more daunting at first, but it will make all the difference. In the long run finding and following your truth, while challenging and painful at times, will bare itself out to be the easier path, the happier more fulfilling path.
For me a small part of that truth means excepting the fact that being here too much isn't good for me. That I'd like to be stronger and tougher skinned, but I'm not and frankly it hurts to watch other people make bad choices and know I can't help. It hurts to have people tell me I'm wrong and imply that I am deluding myself. It hurts to know that there are people routing for my marriage to fail becasue it would perptuate their bitterness and give them another excuse to not bother trying to make their own life better.
Why would I want to stay in such a negative environment for prolonged periods? I'd have to be a masochist.
So what I've learned is to try to help if I think I can and then slip away again. It's just better for me that way.
So as long as that appears to be okay with everyone, I'll just keep doing that.

Nick,
Hugs. I just wanted to tell you that at times, we are too emotionally
WHat I was talking about with the road less traveled is just avoiding believeing that what looks to be the easy road isn't always the easy road and a lot of times you benfit more from taking chances.
Which it sounds like you're doing. I know what you mean about being scared. I don't think I've ever been as scared as I was those first few months with Pete. I know for me it seemed like such a HUGE risk to just let him know how I felt. Like him not knowing would somehow make my heart less broken if he ended it.
It seems so obvious now how rediculous that is.
Yup, oh totally. My normal road, is to just walk out and not even work on me, or the r'ship, so this vulnerable moment for me, is just that, ME being emotionally vulnerable.
And I hope to be where you are, one day thinking, how silly. :)
Hugs again.
Nick ~ hugs to you and thank you for coming in and let us know exactly how you feel about being on the board too much.
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
Nick,
I have been wondering where you have been! I rarely come down to this seection of the page.
to be quite honest with you I have ALWAYS looked forward to your replies to my posts. I am fairly new to this board yet even still, but I love a person who will tell me like it is and not sugar-coat things to make me feel better. If it is something that needs to be said then I want someone to say it. I have respect for your opinion and any one elses who responds to any of my posts.
You once told me when I first started coming here that I need to find happiness within myself before I can make someone else happy. Well I decided to take that statement to heart.I do not need a man as I thought I did, I am perfectly content with raising my children and starting school in the fall. Yep that was one of the things I decided to do when I read that statement from you, I am going to start for my basic E.M.T. course on August 1st and then on to my E.M.T specialist and in 2 years I hope to have my paramedic cetification.I have looked at my life as it was unfolding and rrealized I was almost hunting a relationship like it was some kind of sport. I didn't need that and my children didn't need to see me go through that. It was you that made me see that,it was you that got me to open my eyes and see what I needed to do,if it weren't for you I might have "just settled" for any guy who gave me the right look.
I have ALWAYS looked forward to your responses and I honestly believe you have been one of the contributing factors to me getting my head on straight. Right along with family, friends, and regular customers from the store where I work. You are a person to be looked up to with all that you have been through.
I am proud of where my life is now heading, guys are now on the back-burner, I have recently met someone online but I WILL NOT lose sight of what matters, I am not making any plans on meeting him we just talk from time to time. right now my main priorities are caring for my children and getting my schooling done. I thought for a long time I needed a man, but the longer I went without one I noticed that I can do it on my own. and this feeling of independance is WONDERFUL. And as I said I have to partially thank you for that. I honestly miss your responses to my posts, you kept me on track and I really appreciate that.
Well I should be going, I just wanted to tell you how I feel and how I am progressing. Hopefully next time I will have more good news on my progress! Take care of yourself and good-luck with your marriage!
Ciao,
Betty
Thanks Betty, but you're the one who deserves all the credit, you did all the work. :) I just shared a simple but powerful truth I discovered, "It's all about me." I can make my life whatever I want all on my own, with a little love and support. All of us can, we just have to find the strength and ask for the help.
Revolving your life around yourself sounds sooooo horribly selfish at first until you realize that to give the most you can to others you have to give it to yourself first and there's more then enough to go around for anyone who wants it and is brave enough to go after it.
I'm so very thrilled for you. Us girls really do have to stick together and remind each other it's okay to put ourselves first and that while it's wonderful to have someone to share your life with it; it's a thousand times more important to be sure it's the RIGHT someone.