am i just stupid to do it again?
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am i just stupid to do it again?
| Mon, 05-02-2005 - 3:43pm |
well i know i posted asking whether or not i should tell that guy i like him,which i havent but now i have another issue..my exboyfriend and i are friends now, we broke up because he cheated on me well we decided on this kind of FWB things (i know i should just give up on those lol they just cause me so many problems!) but anyway so he was also overseas and he came back and i have stayed at his house twice now...since going out to sea (it was his first time) he has changed a lot, for the better. before he left he didnt have one permanent place to live he would stay at my house or his brothers or his moms, now he has an apartment, him and i are real with each other we dont lie to each other any more his whole attitude on life has changed for the better. but anyway now that we have been spending time together and talking on the phone like everyday im starting to think that i still love him...i know they say once a cheater always a cheater but do you think its possible he really may have changed? i dont know his feelings about all this at this point..i want to tell him how i feel (unlike with the other guy, im not scared to tell my ex) but i know if we decide to get back together now or just wait it out and maybe see what happens later i will have no support from anyone but him and his family and friends. my friends of course think hes stupid and an ass because he cheated on me. when i realized i started to feel this way i couldnt even call my best friend becuase i know she would have sayed i told you so, so i had to call one of his bestfriends cuz i really needed someone to talk to.i dont know do you guys think it would be stupid of me to give him another chance? i know i said i like the other guy but i know hes not ready for a serious relationship and everything and right now thats what i want. i dont know if i would be making a big mistake by bringing this up and possibly getting back with my ex...what do you guys think???

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You say you are just "real" with your ex about everything now, nothing to hide....? Is he wanting to try again with a real relationship or is he happy with the current fwb situation? You said he changed, but what does that mean? He has grown up, or found some stability in his life to where he wants to settle down? And if so, has he told you how he really feels about you? The saying once a cheater stuff is sometimes true but not always. People change if they really want to change, was he just not into you when he cheated on you before? The circumstances are so iffy as to why people cheat. When you two broke up, was he devestated and wanting you back all this time, swearing to change his dawg ways? You didn't say, so it seems like you are crushing again, having great sex, and falling for something comfortable and assuming alot about his feelings and his hearts direction.
Talk to him, it's the only way. You are already risking your heart by staying involved with ex's and attempting fwb's with your heart on your sleeve. Best of luck to you, and of course you are not stupid, just be smart about whats really going on. You'll only get hurt if you assume everything without talking to him about where you two stand. Hugs
the only reason i am having trouble telling my best friend is because i know shes gonna be mad because she knows hes hurt me before and she doesnt want me to get hurt again...her opinion matters to me more than anyones but also if i know i truly still love him i cant let her keep me back from my feelings. i have to disagree with "As long as you're sleeping with him you'll never know how he truly feels." because i know if i tell him how i feel hell be real hes not gonna lie to me just to get sex, he could get it anywhere he doesnt necessarily need me for that. im telling him tonight how i feel and im just gonna see where it goes from there.
Okay. Um, I don't get it.
You BOTH love each other, but you're BOTH okay with being FWB, and him and you dating anyone else?
Also, why did you break up the first time (sorry if you posted that already), and have you two talked about it, fixed it and made sure it's in the past and never will happen again?
My personal belief. I think you're setting yourself up for disappointment by AGREEING full on that FWB is okay with you, and "seeing where it goes" while you're both free to date and have sex with other people. If you BOTH love each other, I would at least get sexual and dating exclusivity from him. That's not rushing it. That's saying, no one else is allowed in our "realm". And that's okay. It's not saying we're getting married, this is majorly serious.
You better seriously think about what you want, what you're willing to accept, what you can deal with (in terms of him seeing other ppl or even sleeping with other ppl), before you accept the FWB deal with a POSSIBILITY of it turning into more.....or not.
Are you going to be okay with the SAME situation a month from now? 3 months? 6 months? a year? At what piont are YOU going to want a serious commitment? and how will you feel if he's HAPPY with the FWB situation and dating other ppl?
Sorry to burst your bubble, but I think you accepted anything, because he said he loves you, versus seriously thinking this thru (btdt, it bites you in the ass)
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