Don't know what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2005
Don't know what to do?
3
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 8:58am
Well this is my problem. I think i am in love and i have been for the past year but it seems to be all changing. I'll start at the begining, a month ago my 41yr old uncle died suddenly. Now i am a catholic family and his funeral was a catholic one, my b/f is not catholic and didn't come to the funeral, he only came over to see my family once to say he was "sorry for our loss". My uncle died on the Thurs and on the following Tues my b/f completely fell out with my brothers arguing with them over nothing in particular, well 2bh it seemed like a wee bit of joking got out of hand, but still i think my b/f was out of order in this circumstance considering my bros were grieving and i think my b/f should've been there for me at my uncles funeral regardless of religion as there were plenty of non catholics there. We have been togethr for 14mths now and are going on holiday soon and i want it to work out but i seem to be falling out of love we've had a chat and had a massive fall out but it just doesn't feel right again. What would any1 else do?! Please help cos i'm jsut at that stage where i want it to be all good again cos my b/f is an all round great guy and i wouldn't have been with him so long otherwise but he has to get on with my family thats true isnt it?!
Can anyone give me some advise?!
L xx
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 9:46am
In a perfect world, everybody would get along and adore each other. That's not always the case. You may have to choose between your family and your b/f. My SO is a non-practicing Catholic...yet when he asked me if I'd attend a mass with him I agreed to go. This goes against all of my religious upbringing but I respect his feelings and he would honor my request to do the same. We don't always agree on everything and when we don't, after discussion where we just discuss the issues without trying to convince the other side that each is right,we just agree to disagree. We discuss each aspect and state our opinions matter of factly. It's merely a discussion, like it would be if we were talking about the weather. No arguing...just stating what we have learned or were taught. You say you're "falling out of love with him"...why do you feel that way? I'm not saying it's not possible, but you said that he's an "all around great guy". If you really think that why are you losing feeling? Is it b/c he doesn't get along with your family? Because he let you down? I agree that he should have been there for you during your time of mourning. If he has had a fundamental religious training, I can tell you what his views of the catholic church are, right or wrong. There are some folks who believe that the act of stepping into a catholic church is akin to stepping into the gates of hell itself. If he feels that way, you can't expect him to totally abandon his feelings. I don't know, you didn't say why he wasn't there, or if you discussed the reasons why. I'm speculating. Maybe you need to discuss this with him, tell him how hurt you felt that he wasn't there, and that you needed him at that particular time. Good luck...Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 12:18pm

I was wondering, are you "falling out of love" because of the recent events, or because of other things? Also, is your bf friends with your brothers? Or do you think things just got out of hand?


A few other things.


Death. Some people are NOT comfortable around death. Some people make jokes to feel more comfy (even if inappropriate). Some people don't know how to act "appropriately". Maybe your dbf is that type of guy.




my pet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2005
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 1:36pm
Thank you and thanks cherbear017 i think i've always known that i need to talk to my bf and that i could be being unreasonable. I didn't think that perhaps he felt so strongly about religion though and we have never spoken about this, well obviously me being catholic and him not but not that he might HATE the idea of stepping inside a chapel. He had a sudden death in his family about 2years ago so maybe thats another problem. Basically i just wanted to say thanks! Thanks for giving me something to go and talk about with my b/f and for giving me a chance to look at it from his eyes too!
L xx