How can I stop being so insecure??
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How can I stop being so insecure??
| Wed, 05-04-2005 - 10:45pm |
Hi all, immediately after reading everyone's advice after my last fiasco ;) I dropped Mr. Run Away and moved on to a friend of a friend. Ppl had been trying to set me and the new guy up forever, but I kept saying no, bc he's 13 months younger than I am and I try not to date younger guys.
But, since I finally agreed, the new guy and I have been inseperable. He's out of town until tomorrow and even called me last night (with a carful of his friends) to say "Hi sweetheart, I'm thinking of you"... and I *know* he got pitched lotsa poo for saying that in front of his friends. This guy is a total dream come true... he opens doors for me, watches my daughter while I take naps, does dishes even!! He's always telling me I take such good care of him, how perfect I am, etc. I know he cares about me and would never cheat on me.
So.. here comes the question... I'm falling hard for this guy, and I know he's sincere, but I can't help testing him, asking him what he thinks of certain girls and that sort of thing, basically being insecure over the top. I know that I need to stop or I'm going to push him away, especially since he's so sincere himself.
What can I do to stop being insecure?? Any ideas?? I *really* don't wanna mess this up, but I know I will if I can't curb my insecurity....
TIA
But, since I finally agreed, the new guy and I have been inseperable. He's out of town until tomorrow and even called me last night (with a carful of his friends) to say "Hi sweetheart, I'm thinking of you"... and I *know* he got pitched lotsa poo for saying that in front of his friends. This guy is a total dream come true... he opens doors for me, watches my daughter while I take naps, does dishes even!! He's always telling me I take such good care of him, how perfect I am, etc. I know he cares about me and would never cheat on me.
So.. here comes the question... I'm falling hard for this guy, and I know he's sincere, but I can't help testing him, asking him what he thinks of certain girls and that sort of thing, basically being insecure over the top. I know that I need to stop or I'm going to push him away, especially since he's so sincere himself.
What can I do to stop being insecure?? Any ideas?? I *really* don't wanna mess this up, but I know I will if I can't curb my insecurity....
TIA

Well for me, since I am 300lbs and not idea for most men. I learned that men love big women and since I carry it well big top and hips it is not as bad as it seems. I began to think of me. If he loves and adores me as I am how many other men do. I always think "I am great and a good woman, what man wouldn't want me". Then when size plays more of a part on my mind I think, "well he is still here and doing everything he can,
It's a choice!
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
p.s. Thirteen months is a younger man? Hon, I'm with a man a little over ten YEARS younger than myself. The best relationship I've ever had, I might add. I used to have that "younger man" rule myself once. Glad I abandoned it....
"You need to brainwash yourself into calming down"
That is the best thing I have heard yet. And I totally agree. I have "brainwashed" myself to calm not, not assume, not overreact., Granted, I have my moments, but overall, I'm doing 100x better.
You CAN do this. You just have to want to real bad. =)
~pineapple_girl
First, it's not realistic to expect to be 100% secure and confident. There isn't a person alive who doesn't have a bad day from time to time, when they let insecurity get the better of them.
I've found the easiest way for me to not act like the "pshyco girlfriend" when I'm having an off day is to try to be rational when I find myself becoming irrational.
When I thought having those thoughts like, "Well, why didn't he answer his cell phone. He always answers his cell phone when it's me." I try to remind myself that, "No, he doens't answer his cell phone everytime you call. Sometimes he's tied up at work or any number of other things. You're being paranoid. Is it almost that time of month again?"
Usually, I have the hardest time around my period.
At any rate I basically talk to myself or call a good friend one that I can count on to help me be sane about things and think it through, NOT someone who will encourage me to be irrational (I have both varieties).
The biggest thing is to learn (or as another poster called it brainwash) to think before you allow yourself to react to those paranoid thoughts.
It wont make the insecurity go away, but insecurity - like having trouble trusting, self-doubt, anger, jealousy - is one of those things that feeds on itself. The more you ACT on those insecurities the more pronounced and harder to battle they will become. The less you act on it the more quickly the feeling will subside.
In short, don't act on your feelings. MAKE yourself stop asking him about other pretty girls or things like "What would you do if we broke up?" It's only going to make it worse, even if he answers "correctly".