Should I even try??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Should I even try??
4
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 1:58pm

Hi,

I am new here and I need some advice to help me out... I have never really felt like this before, so I am really confused. I have not really talked about with my best friends because I don’t want their pitying faces. I guess it is because I have finally found a guy that I liked but nothing can happen.

I am naturally introverted, so I do not talk to a lot of guys and I have never really gone out with a guy before. I usually only hang out with my 3 best friends and my family. But I met Joseph a few years ago, but started liking him a lot recently.

I have a thing when going out with guys. It is that I need to get know them before we go out. I guess it is because guys tend to show a different side of themselves with a friend then with a girlfriend. So, I started to go to the coffee shop a lot. We started talking and getting to know one another. It is embarrassing now, because it was obvious that I liked him.

Also, we have a lot in common. I enjoy doing yoga and meditation. He does meditation and would like a friend to show him how to do yoga. He is a vegetarian and believes in reincarnation. Neither of us drink or do drugs. Which is really important to me because it goes against everything my parents taught me when I was young... that sort of leaves us the odd one out from everyone else, because I am 19 and he is 20.

Joseph is fun, intellectual and really nice. He also tends to notice the little things. Like when I was really tired so I was in a different mood. Or when I died my hair and bought a new shirt. It was really cute when he does that, if not sort of unusual for a guy. But he can also talk enough for both sides of our conversation. So sometimes I can't say what I want to say. But most of the time I don’t mind listening because I am not a big talker.

Anyways, I found out a while ago that he has a girlfriend. It is long distance relationship because she lives in Halifax and we live in the Yukon. But he was saving up his money so that he could also move to Halifax. When I found out, I stopped going to the coffee shop as much because I didn’t want to get hurt more than I already am.

He is traveling in Europe right now, so he haven’t seen him for a few months. But he should be back by the end of this month. I am sort of confused about that too though. If Joseph was saving to move to Halifax; but instead he used his money to go to Europe for 3 months. Does that mean he will still be moving? I guess I will find out right away.
I forgot to say this. I found out that he had a girlfriend when she came back to the yukon. she just when on a trip to europe with his moher. so, if that doesn't say anything about their relashionship then i don't know what does..?

I also need to apoligize to him. I was really rude before he left. he came up to say hi and ask how i was and i basically ended up walking away. I feel really stupid now, but i guess i was really nervous about talking with him.

He treats me like a friend, so I don’t think there is much of a chance to be something more than that. I was talking about with a new friend and she says not to give up hope, because you will never know what might happen. But I doubt it.




Edited 5/5/2005 2:23 pm ET ET by anna_jewel
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 2:19pm
HE seems to be very "free." If you're okay with him picking up and just going that's coll but I would flip out. BEsides he has a girlfriend and he doesn't tell you this? Why not? If he was my man I would want him to should it to the mountains. Maybe she's a girlfriend but just as far as the title goes. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 2:36pm

I know this woudl be the HARDEST thing to do in my life, but this is what I'd do.


I'd tell him that I have feelings for him, I do NOT expect him to act on them or anything. But that I had to let him know, so he understands why I have to distance myself from him. I'd tell him that I have liked him as more than a friend, but obviously, now knowing he has a gf, it's a dead issue. Wish him all the luck with his gf, and maybe one day, you two can be friends again.


And then I'd distance myself from him. And cut the friendship down, WAY down.


Hugs. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, especially if you're introverted, shy, etc. Just know, that I find it really strange tht during that entire time, he never once mentioned he had a gf. However, he does, and he plans on moving there. IF for some chance, he does free up, and he does wanna date you, I'd take it REAL slow, and talk to him about why he never mentioned the gf, but ONLY if he pursues you.


Otherwise, you may have to just let this one go. As many ppl say, if it's meant to be, it'll be at the right time for BOTH of you.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 4:39pm
I don't know what kind of advice you could be looking for. It doesn't sound as if the guy led you on in any way. Y'all had a great friendship. I do find it a little curious that he never talked about his girlfriend to you, though. Sounds as if y'all had quite a few conversations and usually when a guy is gaga enough over a girl to move in with her, or to move to the region where she lives, he talks about her. To anyone. I don't know what it means that he omitted that little tidbit from your conversations. Did he have feelings for you other than friendship? I don't know. Sounds like you are two people kinda cut from the same cloth and got along really well. I guess I would just continue on with my life as before...see what happens when he gets back from Europe. I wouldn't get my hopes up too high, though. I agree with you that if the girlfriend is travelling with his mom it says something about their relationship. Good luck to you, I wish you the best. I'm sorry I couldn't be of any help. Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 3:05pm
Hey, sorry about this situation, that must really stink to find out he has a girlfriend when ur so interested in him...Hmmm, well are u positive that he's still into her? cuz like you said, he went to europe for 3 months when he could've been saving to go to halifax...so it sounds like u two (or at least he) need to communicate more about this...and even if he does have a GF, at least you've got a good friend, right?
but i know it must be tough.