The one that got away
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The one that got away
| Thu, 05-05-2005 - 3:10pm |
Reading a post on another board about the one who got away really made me start thinking. What do you do if you really CAN'T get over the one that got away? I still think about my ex from 4 years ago--I was so in love with him and the relationship was great. We had all those things people talk about when its real love--we just really enjoyed being with each other, I was crazy about him, he was my best friend and I just felt like I was at home when I was with him. People used to always say they could tell how much we loved each other from the way we looked at each other. He's married now (which broke my heart, I cried for weeks) so there's no chance for us. But I've dated TONS since then and no one has even come close. So what if no one ever does? I too worry about always thinking about him even when/if I'm in another relationship. But no matter what I do he's always in my mind--I've gone on to have a very successful career (lawyer), have tons of friends, family and men who are interested in me, but he still haunts me. I'm not new age or mystical at all, but for some reason this man just felt like my soul mate, the man I was meant to spent my life with. Can there really be just one soulmate out there you never get over? Will anyone else always be second place? I want to get over this man, but no matter what I do or what I tell myself, the desire to be with him is still there. I'm religious, so Ive tried praying for guidance and that hasn't helped either. Anyone have any ideas how I can finally break his hold on me? I'm starting to think I'm crazy for not being able to get this man out of my mind.

I'll be honest. It took me about 10 years to get over my first true love. I do believe in soulmates, however, I don't believe there is "just one" for everyone. I think there's many different soulmates, and I believe they all come into your life for one reason or another.
I honestly can't say how you can get over someone, but this is what has helped me.
By being honest with myself, I looked at my r'ship with those I couldn't get over. I realized I was making the r'ship better than it actually was. I also was able to talk to my past love. And the more that came out, from his side, the more I realized, it was only a one way street. I also realized, that by comparing and holding on, it just hurt me more in the end.
There are two men in my life, out of MANY, that I have truly loved. (three if you count dbf) And I will never forget those two men. They will always have a place in my heart, and they will always make me think twice. However, with the first, I had a second chance, and it didn't work. With the second, I would never want another chance, cuz I see now how bad we are for each other. And lastly, I realize that they both are in my heart, but that I have a life to live. If it's meant to be, it WILL be, sometime. Even if it's when 70 years old. But for now, it's not meant to be, and I have to find another man, who's good for me, but in no way, "second".
Hugs and be strong.
(btw, I can't believe that there's only one true love, because if that's the truth, I might as well die, cuz I've already had mine, twice)
Edited 5/5/2005 4:23 pm ET ET by pineapple_girl
~pineapple_girl
I'm sorry you are still thinking about your ex. I think we all hold a special place in our hearts for our first loves, (or loves that hurt us deep). I think that is normal, but there comes a time that you do have to let go. I have "Let Go and Let God" on my cell phone banner to constantly remind me. You can pray for what you want but you can't sit there and wait for it to happen, as if God is slow. His will is perfect and He has something better in mind for you. But you have to believe that. Pray for acceptance, pray for strength to believe that it's all for a reason. I don't think you've truly given your burdens to Him to handle, you are still trying to fix it all on your own. And I can only write this because I do the same thing, lol.
There was a post on one of the mending broken hearts boards that I printed out last year sometime and it made me really think. It was a little poem, and this is from memory, not quoted:
"As children bring their broken toys for me to mend, I too brought my broken dreams to God. But instead of leaving him to do his work, I hung around to try and help and lend a hand. At once I snatched them back and screamed, How could you be so slow? And He said to me, What could I do, you never did let go."
Anyway, it meant alot to me, I still pray daily to let things go that I cannot change, and thank Him that He is perfect. It's not easy, sometimes I still cry and I don't always understand, but I believe in Him, and His promise that He loves us. You will get passed this but you have to actually accept what is, and move on. You could be missing out on something or someone who is right in front of you by always looking back. Warmest wishes to you.
Grace
For me it was a simple yet earth-shattering
I totally agree, PM! Someone you're no longer with *CAN'T* be "The One", by definition, because if you were right for each other, you'd still be together!
I think the whole concept of "The One" is dangerous. There are *plenty* of people who could be right for you, IMO.
Sheri
My take on "the one that got away"
Reason, Season and Lifetime
..
People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
..
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
or to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
...
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
...
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
...
When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,
the season eventually ends.
...
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being part of my life.
~pineapple_girl