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Your all Great!
| Thu, 05-05-2005 - 5:15pm |
I just wanted to tell all that I think you're all fabulous! I really learn so much from you all. I have a wonderful family and great friends but the apple never falls too far from the tree & what I mean by that is that it's great to get advise from outside of my circle. It's like me and my circle all think alike and then I see that there are other ways of acting. Like all my friends thought I was right for not trusting my b/f with the phone incident. Some said I went a little extreme on showing up at his house but all agreed it was necessary. Then you guys offered totally different advice and planted a new seed. Um maybe it was a little over the edge.lol okay a lot! Even by reading some post about letting your man work and not hounding him. I was like I would have flipped! I dont know why I am needy I have had such a loving family and had a great upbringing I mean la creme de la creme. I think I want to go to counseling. I know I have gotten better sincelast summer to now. I was really a nightmare then...lol I see know that there is still room for improvement and I wanted to say thanks for helping me open my eyes.

I think there's ALWAYS room for improvement, and I think therapy would be a great thing. Good luck with that.
By the way, my own reasons for acting needy, clingy and untrusting is due to the treatment of my xbf's. And I learned I have been "emotionally" abandoned by everyone in my life since then (mother, father, brother, etc). So, I have abandonment issues, which were aggravated by the way my x's treated me.
And voila! Now you have a needy, clingy, cynicaly, untrusting, woman who never sees anything being positive.
27 years worth of that. and 2 years in therapy trying to undo it. It's been a long road, but a good one.
go forth and conquer that part of you that NEEDS so much. =)
~pineapple_girl
Speaking from my own experience with therapy, I think it's very helpful. I started when I was in an abusive relationship and it really helped me realize that I wans't nuts. I was just in a bad place and I could get out of it. It helped restore my self-confidence.
I do think all of us get hurt by exs and that affects our future relationships and, to a point it always willl. What therapy helped me realize is that in relationships, just as in any other part of my life, it is up to me how much I allow my past to affect my future.
Therapy is hard work if it's to be effective. You have to look at yourself in unpleasant ways at times, you hvae ot learn to fess up to your mistakes to your harshest judge, you. And you have to learn to be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for those mistakes. And you have to learn to trust yourself.
You have to learn that just because you backed a loser last time doesn't mean you're being "fooled" again. You also have to learn that just becasue things don't work out doesn't mean you're a bad guy or he's a bad guy. Sometimes it just means things didn't work out. That's just life. It doesn't mean you made a bad choice, it just means it didn't work out. Sometimes that's just going to happen.
Therapy cna be really helpful in finding the source of certain feelings and once you know and understand where those feelings are coming from it can make it a LOT easier to kind of talk yourself down during those less rational moments.
It's good to see that you are considering therapy.
Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?
; )
Hi!
Exzhellraisr - is it possible to contact you via email? sounds like we have a lot in common - at least where this stuff is concerned. I have an appointment for counselling tomorrow - I'm a little scared about what it will show me, what it means for me - but I think it will be a good thing.
I originally posted "what do I do" - and though my guy lost his job on Thursday, and asked me for space (historically that is a bad thing for me), he still called like he said he would on Friday - we played telephone tag for a while before speaking, on on Saturday - just like he said he would. I am trying to tell myself that a guy who is planning on ditching a woman doesn't play phone tag with her. AND I KEEP TELLING MYSELF that it's ONLY been since THURSDAY that his job ended. THEREFORE it's only been the weekend. GIVE IT TIME! things will be ok! But the other side of it is that i"m terribly anxious and afraid. Will he walk just like all the other guys who told me they were going thru something. I have been told that I am a fantastic girlfreind by all the guys who have dated me - a really super lady.
When we spoke on Sat. I found myself telling him that "space has not been a positive thing for me in the past, so it means a lot to me that you called, I'm glad to know he's thinking about me, because I was worried that you might shut me out completely. I understand you need some time, and I just want you to know that I am here to support you, I'm thinking of you, and I do miss you".
Though I am worried about coming across as clingy - He seemed to respond to that well - saying that he "wouldn't do that to me - shut me out, he could hear how much it meant to me that he was calling from the sound of my voice, missed me too, but was really preoccupied with the job thing".
I hope that the counselling will help me, it messes me up badly whenever this happens. and I hope that I get something out of it soon. But I would also be lying if I said that I hope that my guy realizes that what we have is worth keeping during this difficult time in his life.
Here's my email,it's exzhellraisr@aol.com. Feel free to email me so we can chat : )