He's a dad and I'm not the mom!
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He's a dad and I'm not the mom!
| Tue, 07-05-2005 - 9:05am |
For the last four years I have been with this guy. We hit it off like you would not believe the second we met and fell in love. He was currently in a relationship when he met me and I thought the best thing to do was give him time because he obviously wasn't happy with her. After a couple of months of just hanging out and getting to know each other, I knew that he was just peekin over the fence to see if it was worth breaking up with his girlfriend for. Eventually he broke up with her and him and I got serious, except I didn't want to anymore :( I kind of got cold feet once the chase was over, but I still enjoyed having someone there for me. He was pretty good to me and I was fair to him, but the flame definently started to die off. After a lot of fights about nothing, I decided to tell him Good Bye. For as long as I've known him he has been a playboy and I knew what I was getting into, but I always thought that he was out looking for something better, eventhough I kept telling myself that I was the best he could ever get. Anyways, we had taken a couple of breaks but we always got back together so I just figured that I could get a breath of fresh air and we go our own seperate ways and we would be back together in a couple more months. Well, not more than a month later I found out that he was going to be a dad. I suddenly got really depressed and cried for a month straight. He called me and told me he was sorry and that he still loved me but he was going to move to be with the mother. She's now 7 months pregnant and him and I are still talking. He won't tell her that we're talking because she knows that we still love each other. I'm not trying to be a homewrecker, I am not like that. I was brought up with good morals and a good head on my shoulder. When him and I are together, we both just forget that he is going to be a dad and it's just him and me and that's all that matters. He has said many times, maybe just to help me get through it, that he doesn't think him and the mother are going to last, and he understand that he has responsibility now, but if he comes back, he wants to know if I would ever date him. I know that we're living in 2005 and a lot of things have changed, but I'm scared of being alone for the rest of my life and I wasn't happy with him, but now that I see that he does have potential to be a "family guy" I want to be with him. Him and I have a lot of excess baggage and him having a kid is just going to add to the pile because I don't want to be with someone that doesn't get to have the feeling of having the first baby with me. If him and I were ever going to get married and I have a kid, it won't be as exciting because he will know what's to come. It's extremely difficult to try to find someone that gives me the spark that he does. I think I was just expecting way too much and I tried to change him too much, even though I loved him for who he was. He knows this has been really hard on me and he even has told me he has a lot to lose, so he isn't just some guy thinking with his "other brain". It all boils down to, he wants to meet me this Thursday which is in two days and I would love to, but I'm afraid that it might be a bad idea. I either forget about the rest of the world and go for it or be a boring ole girl! HAHA I feel like I'm in a movie. Is it actually possible that he is going to come back? Is this a phase guys go through when they have a baby on the way? I don't know what's normal, or what the phases are when someone is pregnant. I just need some input because my friends are all giving me different answers, they tell me I should forget about him, but than at the same time it's ok for them to still see their ex's. It's much easier said than done.

My two cents......
You should forget about him. It honestly, to me, seems like all you like about him is the chase.
You say you're not a homewrecker, and yet, you pursued him when he was with this other woman. Then he ended things with her, and then you didn't want him anymore. Then it was on and off for how long, and obviously he was sleeping around, and got someone preggo. He chose her and NOW you feel like he's the one. NOW you want all the future stuff, and babies, etc.
Guys like him, he will cheat while with this woman, he will pursue other women. He will get laid and say things so other women will fall for him. Why? Because he's not in love with the mom of his baby. He doesn't even want her. He's there cuz of the kid. So, instead, he pursues YOU outside of THAT r'ship. He says he LOVES YOU. Yet, if he loved you, why would he go looking for something "better"?
All I can say is this. If he absolutely, truly loved you like no other, he wouldn't "be with the mom of his kid", he'd be with you, but being responsible about the baby too. INSTEAD he chose to be with her.
I'm sorry to be harsh, but in this instance...it's all about what you can't have. He made his choice. It's not you. Period. There are not if's and's or but's about it. He didn't choose you. And THAT is why your friends are telling you to back off. Because being in contact with him will do you no good. Whereas, maybe with their X's. it's different. With this guy.....no good will come of being a "friend" or more, to him.
Hugs. Maybe I'm wrong. But honestly. All I can say is, why do you want a man who YOU continually do not want when he wants you, but who you want, when he does NOT want you?
~pineapple_girl