Where do I go from here?
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Where do I go from here?
| Sat, 07-09-2005 - 3:05pm |
Where do I start... I have known my best friend Clif since about 15. I am now 28 and he 27. (I am a Cancer June 29, and he a Gemini June 1) I have had feelings for him from day 1, back then he thought of me as a sister. How we became friends, my mom and his dad were and still are business partners and he and I would work at that business in our off time. So for 13 years we worked together and just recently he quit to start his own business. His family is a smart well to do family and very respected. Mine is as well. We all get along just great.
I first let him know how I felt about him when I was in high school. I asked him to prom and he declined cause he was shy and did not know anyone. I was hurt and did not go either. He is the first boy I french kissed. We are very close, he knows everything about me but there are things I don't know about him, private things to him he keeps private. He may tell me sometimes, but he is shy.
I have been out of a 4 year relationship for about a year and would like to date Clif. He has been out of a 7 year relationship for about a year.(His first girlfriend and his *first*) His ex no one liked, she whined, and towards the end, pressured him about marraige and family, which he was not ready for. Friends would hang out w/them out of respect for Clif. I think towards the end it bothered him that no one liked her, and sometimes she was downright rude to friends, but they still bit their tongue for Clif.
All through his past relationship him and I would hang out and mess around. We have never slept together but did everything else, To this day, we still do that. When things got hot and heavy, I would be willing but he would say that he doesn't want to hurt me, he cares about me and thinks if we did, that it would ruin our friendship. (the boy has amazing willpower :( he hasn't had sex in a year) We have done everything else and we are still close as ever, and I tell him that. I don't even want to know what it would be like to not have him as a friend.
I know he talks to other girls and I kinda know what he likes and if I see that when he is talking to a girl, I get jealous, and he is just the sweetest person in the world, he doesn't like to see anyone upset or mad. In fact, after he and his ex broke up, he bought her a $200 gift and when she tried to decline, he wouldn't take it back cause he didn't want there to be any hard feelings, so she did keep it. (keep in mind he broke up w/her over dinner by saying "Ihaven't been happy for the past 7 yrs!) I use to buy him things for his birthday etc. when i was younger but don't now, and he never bought me anything.
When we are alone he is a different person, he and my brother are best friends and he acts different when I am around, no hugging, joking kinda thing. But when we are alone we are always hugging and just being there for one another. He just started his own business and he hired me to help him. This takes a load off of him cause he is free to leave and do what he needs without worrying about the store. I am grateful he offered me a position and he is grateful I took it. He knows I would do anything to help him.
I guess I just wonder (I know this is just a clip of what we're like) if we well end up together, i am to a point in my life where I want to find someone and start thinking about settling down. I know he wants to get married and have kids. Everyone who knows us thinks that down the road we will be together, I think that too, but I wonder if maybe before that he is looking to see what else is out there. I guess an outside opinion is what I am looking for. let me know if you need more info :)
I first let him know how I felt about him when I was in high school. I asked him to prom and he declined cause he was shy and did not know anyone. I was hurt and did not go either. He is the first boy I french kissed. We are very close, he knows everything about me but there are things I don't know about him, private things to him he keeps private. He may tell me sometimes, but he is shy.
I have been out of a 4 year relationship for about a year and would like to date Clif. He has been out of a 7 year relationship for about a year.(His first girlfriend and his *first*) His ex no one liked, she whined, and towards the end, pressured him about marraige and family, which he was not ready for. Friends would hang out w/them out of respect for Clif. I think towards the end it bothered him that no one liked her, and sometimes she was downright rude to friends, but they still bit their tongue for Clif.
All through his past relationship him and I would hang out and mess around. We have never slept together but did everything else, To this day, we still do that. When things got hot and heavy, I would be willing but he would say that he doesn't want to hurt me, he cares about me and thinks if we did, that it would ruin our friendship. (the boy has amazing willpower :( he hasn't had sex in a year) We have done everything else and we are still close as ever, and I tell him that. I don't even want to know what it would be like to not have him as a friend.
I know he talks to other girls and I kinda know what he likes and if I see that when he is talking to a girl, I get jealous, and he is just the sweetest person in the world, he doesn't like to see anyone upset or mad. In fact, after he and his ex broke up, he bought her a $200 gift and when she tried to decline, he wouldn't take it back cause he didn't want there to be any hard feelings, so she did keep it. (keep in mind he broke up w/her over dinner by saying "Ihaven't been happy for the past 7 yrs!) I use to buy him things for his birthday etc. when i was younger but don't now, and he never bought me anything.
When we are alone he is a different person, he and my brother are best friends and he acts different when I am around, no hugging, joking kinda thing. But when we are alone we are always hugging and just being there for one another. He just started his own business and he hired me to help him. This takes a load off of him cause he is free to leave and do what he needs without worrying about the store. I am grateful he offered me a position and he is grateful I took it. He knows I would do anything to help him.
I guess I just wonder (I know this is just a clip of what we're like) if we well end up together, i am to a point in my life where I want to find someone and start thinking about settling down. I know he wants to get married and have kids. Everyone who knows us thinks that down the road we will be together, I think that too, but I wonder if maybe before that he is looking to see what else is out there. I guess an outside opinion is what I am looking for. let me know if you need more info :)

Thanks for your reply,
After I posted this I thought of more to add, it always happens that way :) About 2 years ago, we were kinda talking about life in general and I just kinda blurted out "if we are not married to someone by the time we are 30, lets get married" he said "o.k. like it didn't phase him, but then again, that was 4 years off and just words. I always knew when his ex brought up marraige, or kids he would change the subject quick, he doesn't do that with me, I mean we don't go to in depth conv. about a particular ceremony, but "I would name my first girl ....." I also think he wants to see what else is out there before he obviously committs to anyone if not me, which I hope it is me. :) I have had people that know me and him say that one day it will happen, and customers that shop at both mom's business say that it will happen, and that is just from day to day business of no more than 15 -20 minutes of contact. I am just dazed and confused cause some of the things he says and does to make me believe otherwise.
thank you...
My opinion is if he's not dating you, he's not that into you. You're messing around, what giving him oral sex? Personally, if it were me, without a committment from him, I wouldn't do that with him.
At this point, all you can do is talk to him, tell him your feelings and see if he likes you as well. If he doesn't want to seriously date you, I would STOP giving him sexual favors and look elsewhere. If it's meant to be, he will go after you. If not, at least you tried, cuz you let him know how you feel about him.
No matter how close you are, do you really want a man that you have to chase after?
I'll keep ya posted.