missin him

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2005
missin him
1
Sat, 07-09-2005 - 11:34pm
hi. im 20 years old, and i told this guy that i liked that i had feelings for him. i already had know his answer as my friends have spoken to him, but i needed to do it myself... he told me he loves spending time w/ me, he thinks im good looking, but he just wants us to be friends. and that he cant see me in that way.. he told me bout his ex gf, and how she had cheated on him....they broke up nearly 6 months ago, he doesnt have feelings for her, hes still hurt, as she had cheated on him, and even to this day he finds out new info.. he told me its hard for him to trust girls so easily....he told me that he heard from his roommate whose my good friend that i tend to like guys really fast.... i explained to him that i liked only one guy for a long time, abouta year, but he had changed, and i had held on to his personality that i first met him with. and thats the only guy i had feelings for.. there was another guy that i had kissed a couple of months ago, and wanted to see where things would go, but, he became shady, and i explained to him i had no feelings for him, which i didnt.. it was a dumb thing to do.... he understood and believed me, he said, he said he was glad that things were cleared up. i told him that i may think a guy is looking but i wuldnt have feelings for him...either way he told me that he was upset at me the nite before cuz i wasnt talkin to him while i was at his place, and that i was talking to everyone else except him.. i told him "you were nearly sleeping on the ground" hes like "so? u coulda at least talked to me?" and then he said he was also pissed off that i didnt come over to his place sometime last week.. (his roommate is my best guy friend) .... im always there, everyday.. i do anything he asks of me....if hes hungry ill try to make him somethin to eat, ill clean up the place for him, play video games w/ him, tennis, anything he asks me to do.. i even folded his clothes once....and then he apologized to me for "flirting" with me. hes like "i dont konw why i flirt w/ you more than "so and so", like one of our other girl friends" hes like sorry, i shoudlnt have done that... i asked him to tell me its never gonna work out so i can get the thought outta the back of my mind... hes like "you and me ever being together? hes like thats so mean to say... i dont know... i could not answer that" im lke "just say it, that it will never happen, its okay" hes like "okay it wont".....im like okay.... his roommate told me that he only said that cuz i forced him to say it, idk....i thought i was okay about it... but i guess im not as okay as i thought i was.....did he really mean never? is there still a chance? he told me yeah i know we have a lot in common....hes like i dont like seeing you upset, sad, depressed.. so please dont be, im sorry....hes genuninly nice, he cares about people and their feelings... he asked me "what makes me different from other guys?" and i told him.... anyway... idk what to do... everyone thought he was into me....should i stop doin things for him? it took him a while to understand why i cant see him as much anymore.. hes like i want us to be friends still , i want us to hang out , i love that.. i told him idk how much ill be at ur apt, and see u.. hes like why ... i told him, but he didnt get it...he asked me not to avoid him.....i told him i wont... finally after like 10-15 mins he understood why i cant see him so much...y did he get mad cuz i dint give him attention that nite? or that i dint come over....and y doesnt he not understand why he flirts w/ me....should i stop being there all the time? like literally im at their place for likle 6 hours of my day.....i prolly see him for like 3-4 hours....sometimes more, sometimes i spend the nite there (not w/ him).. i m always doing things for them....he told me no girl has ever done this for him... it made me feel good... anyway... what do u think? i dont see a reason why he cant see me likle that? does he not trust girls? y do i feel like there still is a chance in the future?.... im goin on vacation for 4 weeks.. do u think hell miss me?
-ash
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
In reply to: ashleyb2005
Sun, 07-10-2005 - 6:08pm

ok, i'm gonna be really honest here because the last thing you want to do is lead YOURSELF in circles, which is what you're doing right now. you have a crush, that's nothing new. crushes are confusing and they can hurt real bad when the guy doesnt like you back. it sounds like this guy is kind of "iffy," as in he enjoys flirting with you and really does like having you around as a friend, but just doesn't see you in a romantic way. two people either have chemistry or they don't, and that takes mutual attraction. you may be attracted to him, but if he doesn't feel the same way, it's tough. to be honest, if he was interested in being more than your friend, he would have made it clear to you by now. him telling you that he was hurt by his ex cheating on him is simply a way to put off the "well, im not interested in you like that." men can rarely come right out and say what they're feeling about a relationship, esp. when being put on the spot, like you've done. he's finding another way out by saying he's not ready.

i guess to be blatant, i'd move on. i wouldn't spend so much time over there, and i would cut the flirtation to a minimum. DO NOT KEEP YOUR HOPES UP. once you "back off" a little bit, or maybe even when you leave town, he will truly realize what it is like without having you around. this will either make him realize that (1) it't not so bad and he truly isn't that interested, or (2) it does kinda suck not having you around, in which case he should come to you and say something. you;re going to meet so many guys in your life, don't let one pass by because you're too focused on one who's not giving you anything to work with. as the saying goes, "dont make someone a priority when they only see you as an option." get out, meet other people, hang out with other guys who won't dogde you and instead, will be upfront with you. someday down the road, he might realize what he's missing. don't wait for the day. live in the here and now and focus on your own feelings and what you truly deserve. right now, it sounds like you deserve a lot better.