Did I do the right thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Did I do the right thing?
2
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 3:18pm

In December 2004, my boyfriend of 6 yrs and I broke up. Three months later I met a great guy who is the total opposite of my ex-boyfriend. This guy is really passionate about life and doesn't believe in doing anything halfway. He's romantic, great in bed, bends over backwards to do anything for me (and others), and he's smart. After a month of dating he already considered me to be his girlfriend and introduced me to his parents. Two months later he was already telling me he loved me.

So what's the problem? He thrives on being the center of attention and therefore will do or say almost anything to get reactions (negative or positive) out of people. Sometimes it's funny but a lot of times I find myself feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed (for him and myself).

When we first started dating, I had misgivings (and even discussed it with him) that I felt our opposite personalities might be a problem down the road...my "normalness" might bore him or his "outlandishness" would be too much for me to handle. And over the weeks, he did temper down a bit. But despite this, I feel myself getting more and more annoyed over some of the crazy things he says and does when in public. I know that he means well which is why I feel really bad that I get irritated with him. I don't want to stifle his personality by constantly telling him that a particular action or comment makes me uncomfortable. And it seems that lately I feel like I'm always disapproving of one thing or the other.

A few days ago he made a comment that the last two spats we've had, he had gotten the impression that I just wanted to bail on the relationship. I discussed my feelings with him and before I knew it I was breaking up with him after four months of being together. He's really hurt and angry with me and I wonder if I did the right thing. Should I have waited to see if perhaps I would have gotten used to his behavior? Could this have been a rebound relationship that was doomed to fail anyway? I really miss him and had really hoped he would be "the one."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Wed, 07-13-2005 - 5:57pm

You probably did the right thing. You could never have changed his personality, maybe for a short period of time, but not in the long run. And if you doesn't feel comfortable and feel that your personalities doesn't match.. then there's not so much to do.

You always miss someone you have broken up with but if you feel deep inside that it was right, it was.. I hope everything works out as good as it can.

I don't think you can call this a rebound relationship. I mean it was 3 months and you really liked this guy. But every relationship doesn't work out. Now you are used to being in a long relationship and you kinda expect them all to be like that. Now you can start dating again and see what life as single is all about.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 8:08am

I agree with bronze. It's only natural for you to miss him and it's only natural to hope that a nice guy who treats you well might be "the one", but if he was the one those things probably wouldn't bother you.

Part of dating is meeting nice guys who treat you well, but for one reason or another they just aren't the guy you can or want to spend the rest of your life with.

Stick with your instincts just like you did this time. If it doesn't feel right move on. It's the only way to find the guy it DOES feel right with and when you find it you'll know it, not nstantly like in the movies, but you'll know just the same.

I took me until I was 33 to find a guy I wanted to spend my life with a guy who didn't get on my nerves - frequently ;) - a guy I was comfortable with just ebing myself and who could be himself with me. It takes some time, but findign that kind of love is soooo worth the wait and the occassional heartbreak it takes to find it.