Ready for Marriage

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Ready for Marriage
2
Sun, 07-17-2005 - 11:28pm
My BF and I have been dating for a little over 6 months now and its been great. I have 2 children, ages 13 and 4 and my BF and we do things together regularly (movies, waterparks, zoos, trips out of town, etc...). Here's the probelm though, I'm about to be 31 yrs old in another month, my BF just turned 27, I love him totally and before our relationship, I was single for about 2 yrs. When we met, I really didn't think that our relationship would be so wonderful, but I'm so happy to say that I truly met a 'good' man who is patient and mature enough to accept my children and what goes with that kind of responsibility. I'm ready for marriage, I'm ready to commit and settle down and be a complete family, and he knows that. Before we hit our 3 month period of dating, I told him that I wanted a committment and if he wasn't ready to do that, to just let me know and we'd go our separate ways (of course, staying civil and friendly). I also let him know that I understood if he wanted to part ways, him not having children of his own and perhaps not wanting to deal with mine and having his own in the future. After a couple of days of our separation, he came over and did the whole "I love you" speech and reassured me that my children complete him. But, now its 3 months later, and (we're both in the military) he has to take orders elsewhere in November. I don't know if I should continue dating him, give him an ultimatum or what, at the same time know what I want. He's danced around the subject of marriage, BUT at the same time I'm tired of waiting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2004
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 2:06am

don't hold it against him that he's hasn't popped the question yet. that's not commitment-phobia. at this stage of the relationship, it actually speaks well of him. it shows that he takes marriage seriously, and he will not jump into it with just anyone.

the real question i have is: why are you in such a rush? it sounds like you decided after 3 months: "well he seems pretty good - may as well marry him!" you barely know a person after 3 months of dating. i know you feel pressure because of the military assignments. that may mean a long-distance relationship come november. but that's not the end of the world! it's not a lot of fun but, if the relationship is really right, it will survive. do it for your children. make sure that this man is truly worthy of being their "dad".

JMHO

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 07-19-2005 - 8:38am

Well, I only know a little bit about the military, but I believe you can request a transfer. If you can, then if I were you I'd handle it like this... I'd ask him how he feels about the separation and ask if he thinks the relationship is important enough for you to request a transfer or for him to put in a request to stay.

Like I said I don't know exactly how it works, especially when your both in, but it seems to me that if the relationship is important enough to both of you, the two of you can find some way to make it work even if it means a separation for a little while.

I do agree that 6 months isn't a really long time, but I also understand how intense feelings can be come in that time. The only real way to figure out where he stands in all of this is to be brave and talk to him about it and come up with a plan for dealing with it together. After all, if marriage is in your future, first and foremost you should be a team and teams work together to resolve problems. Sit down and talk to him and figure out together how to resolve this one.