Crushing Blow
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| Mon, 07-18-2005 - 6:42pm |
Well, it's been a while since I've been on here, but I think I need to be here and I know I need some advise.
I was in a 3 year relationship with a "Great Guy". I was so happy & so in love....June 1st he broke up with me out of the blue (a week before our best friends wedding that we were both in). I am crushed. I'm not myself anymore. We've talked about "being friends" and I want that, but WOW I'm soooo incredibly hurt and can't really stop crying.
Today, he emailed me and said that he's started seeing someone and wanted to tell me before I heard it from someone else. Well that someone that he's started seeing is someone that I've never liked. I've never made it a secret that I've never liked her. I like people for the most part. I don't hate anyone...except her. And, my feelings for her are nothing new. But now he's seeing her...well, sleeping with her because she's not the kind of girl that you "see", she's the kind of girl that you "do". When he first told me he was seeing someone, I was deviastated, until he told me who it was, and now I can't help but be worried about him and feel sorry for him. All of his friends (our friends!!) think the same thing I do. I'm not being a jealous girlfriend, but I do care about him and think he's doing a bad thing. I get the whole screw someone else to move on, I want to do it myself, but this girl....it's not good.
I don't know what to do. I'm so sad and with the news he just gave me I'm now sad for him too. Please, advise!!

Hon, you can't do anyhting to stop your EX from dating this girl. You've broken up and he's chosen to date her. It's his choice and his life. Given the fact that you're not over him yet, you consider your business to see that he doesn't do a bad thing. It's not your business or your friend's. It's his business as he's a free man.
Continuing contact with your ex won't help you at all, in the task of healing and moving on. I'd break up ALL contact with him to be able to start moving on. It's sad that you broke up, but it happened. He's moving on and you should do the same.
this is a very fresh wound. you are still in the place where you care deeply about his well-being, like you would with a close family member. that's totally understandable. however, you HAVE to make yourself ignore this impulse. it's no longer appropriate. he is not your family member. don't deceive yourself that he is still a close friend, even. couples always say that they will stay friends when they break up, but it never happens. he is not your friend. he is some guy you dated once. i know it doesn't feel like that now, but that's what he will be to you once you've had a bit more time and space to heal. if you heard that some acquaintance started dating a girl you disliked, would you try to interfere? no. it would be none of your business. that is the appropriate response now.
i know this will make you sad, but it's the truth. i'm sorry. i've been there, believe me. "this too shall pass." just keep repeating that to yourself...