BEST? WEEKEND? EVER?
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| Tue, 07-19-2005 - 3:52pm |
OK..I know i've written in i-village so much for advice, but you guys are just so good at it, i love turning to it!
Well, I just had an amazing weekend, I went out of town four hours away to this trendy club/bar place and danced the night away with this very hot guy. He was really nice and I asked him to walk me back to my hotel because my friend went out with her friend.. and he did. And I'm not gonna lie, I asked him to come up. Well we did.. and no sex, but you know. We're drifting in and out of sleep and just laying there and whatnot... and he tells me all these things that women are DYING to hear...such as.. "you're beautiful-i will buy you a plane ticket and you can come stay with me-i honestly feel like i'm falling for you-etcetcetc" Just everything good.. he even said a few times "look in my eyes when i say this so you know i mean it".. Even when he stirred awake he'd be half asleep and whisper, "i like you sooo much..." and he even promised he wasn't drunk at all. He sure didn't seem drunk. Well... I left Sunday and he said he'd call the next day and he didnt. But he also did just get a new job that makes him work until midnight, so i'm giving him some time...
I'm just wondering.. does anyone think what he said was BS? have guys ever gone that extra mile to say things like that and they were completely lying?
aaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhh.. what's everyones take on this? I am already buggin out and it's been one day...

shutterbug...
Pianoguy thinks you're asking a "one answer fits all men" question. Sorry, but that's not fair! Some men are sincere...others aren't! .
Since men's comments can vary...it's entirely possible your "weekend admirer" was either 'going through the motions'---OR----once he has finally settled into his new job, he'll call you!
Sorry, but the INSTANT 24-HOUR RESPONSE that many women expect from a man ISN'T ALWAYS GOING TO HAPPEN....nor should you expect it! We can love you to pieces and make a promise to stay in touch, but we often get caught up in the work that we do...and/or activities we pursue...AND FORGET!
Look....why not give the man a week? If you feel you need to contact him after (at least) 7 days, then DO SO! But if he sounds vague or disinterested when you talk with him....you'll know that almost all of this past "weekend wooing" was nothing more than Saturday night/Sunday morning BS!
Pianoguy
Sorry, but this guy is setting off my BS meter BIG time. Don't get me wrong, once in a while a guy that says these kinds of things is actually sincere, but I would say 85-95% of the time it's complete crap to get in your pants.
In fact I wouldn't be surprised if he never called back given that you didn't put out.
As a general rule, if a guy is saying ALL the things you want to hear, he's generally just a guy who knows how to play the game and how to "romance" a girl to get what he wants. In other words, he's a player. In other words, he's full of it.
Based on my personal experience, I would take a guy who stumbles trying to say I look nice while he's staring at my cleavage, then the guy who gazes into my eyes and whispers sweet nothings and tells me how beautiful I am ANY day. In fact, I did just that and I'm marrying him. The difference sincerity. The guys with the smooth words never seem to be sincere.
Like I said, I'm just basing this on my personal experience and the experiences I've heard from friends. Personally, I've never seen a date like yours turn into a great realtionship. The experiences I've been around for, ended up with no phone call or unhappy relationships and disappointment.
The fact he wants you to look in his eyes so you know he means it just means he's a really good liar/actor. I should know, I can do it too. I can look someone dead in the eyes and lie my butt off and they'd never know it. I can't say I'm proud of it but I've done it more then once. It's especially easy when what your saying is EXACTLY what the person wants to hear. They ignore all the cues that would normally tell them that you're lying and they ignore their instincts that would normally clue them in. All becasue they like what you're saying.
It's always possible I'm wrong. But I was confident enough in my BS meter that toward the end of years dating (I'm engaged now) if I was out with a guy and he would say the kind of stuff this guy did, about half the time, I'd actually laugh at him and ask if he had any wine to go with that cheese and if he was used to dating women 10 years younger then me becasue I couldn't imagine a woman in her 30s, like myself, falling for that bull.
Yes, no two men are alike, but I was just wondering if anyone saw this as BS.
I mean if I sat there and held a guy all night and said all that stuff, I'd be calling him asap! But like you said, he may be caught up in other things and whatnot.
I'll give him his time, but I'm also going to keep moving.. and try not to think about it.
Fact of the matter is, if he did say those things for no reason whatsoever, I know it sounds silly, but yes I am going to feel a little hurt. It's just a little hard to believe that a guy that was "falling for me" "forgets" to call me. I just wonder why he even said that stuff in the first place, totally unneccessary if he didn't mean it!!!
Thanks for your time. It really hurts my feelings when I believe some people still have it in them to be sincere. And I'm normally not this gullible, but for some reason, I did believe what he was telling me. He doesn't seem like a "smooth talker" to be honest..Maybe we were both just BS'ing each other for the night, who knows? The only thing I know is I was dumb enough to buy into what he said, he told me he'd call the next day and he didn't. It's now been three days since we spoke, and I'm pretty sure he won't ever talk to me again..
I guess I don't know what to think at this point. Someone in another board pointed out basically that it bewildered her that I am "obsessing and overanalyzing" over one night hangout...I didn't think I was, I just wanted other perspectives.
Whatever happens happens, and besides he lives in another town so I don't have to see him around.
Don't feel bad about and and, for what it's worth, it didn't sound like you were obsessing to me, you seemed curious what others thought.
Everyone falls for a line of bull at some point in their life, most of us more then once, but each time is an opportunity to learn and fine tune our BS meters. And you know what even then sometimes one will sneak up on you, especially if you're feeling down or lonely. The trick to avoiding that pitiful isn't never feeling down or lonely (yeah right like that's even posssible, hello, we are human). It is learning to stay in tune with yourself and recognize when you might be feeling a little vulnerbale and kicking the sensitivity on the BS meter up a notch.
I'm 33 now and the last time I fell for it was about four years ago, by then I thought it wasn't possible for a guy to pull one over on me, but he did and in a big way. I willfully ignored the signal flares my instincts were sending up because I just REALLY needed to hear that I was special and wonderful and all the other BS he piled on. A couple months later I found myself insnared in the one, and only, truly bad and emotionally abusive relationship I have ever been in.
All esentilally beacsue I was having a crappy month, was feeling icky about myself and desperately needed an ego boost, and choose to ignore both my instincts and the BS meter so I could hear what Iwanted to and buy it.
It happens. You just learn and move on. You end up smarter and healthier and happier.
Don't sweat the small stuff, and this guy, it sounds like, is definitely small stuff. :)
To clear up why he said that stuff it's pretty basic. Either a) he was the one guy in about a hundered (actually it's probably more but I dind't want to exagerate too much) who was actually sincere or b) he wanted to get in your pants and knows from experience that women love to hearany and all of the following, "your beautiful", "I've never met anyone like you", "where have you been all my life", "you make me want to be a better man", "I think I was falling in love with in you before I even met you", "Look into my eyes..." followed by just about anything, "your amazing", "I've never felt a connection like this with anyone before"...
The more it sounds like it came out of a movie the more likely it did and the less likely the guy is sincere.
Men (most men) just don't talk that way, no matter how madly in love with you they are. Because to them it sounds cheesy and insincere and they've probably been friends with a guy they think is kind of a jerk because he uses those lines and they work or their sister has been dumped by one.
When my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time we were on the phone nad he just blurted out, "I love you so much." The highest form of praise on my appearance from him is "Woo-hoo". Other compliments include, "Your smart", "I like your hair that way", "I can tell you've been working out", "Good job painting the hall".
Nothing fancy but SINCERE. Most guys prefer function of form and sunstance over style, which is why when a guy starts using flowery words and speaking "artfully", it should in my experience, start setting off the BS meter. Most guys just don't talk like that.