Does he love me?
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Does he love me?
| Sat, 07-23-2005 - 12:36am |
Hi everyone...
I'm so confused. Maybe you guys will have some insight. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 4 months now. Everything is great between us. We love being together, we have fun together, we get along well, the sex is good. Everything is just great. Except when the topic of "love" comes up. I've told him I love him about 3 times now and I still have yet to hear it back. He says he thinks he does but he's not sure cause it doesn't feel how he remembers.
He hasn't been "in love" for ten years he says so I'm not sure that it would feel the same, or if what he even felt was love then or just emfactuation. He's 32 and I'm 26 by the way. So I mean I've been trying to be really patient with him because everything he does in the way he acts tells me he does love me. Not to mention I've never been so happy in a relationship as I am with him. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and have kids with me and everything but I don't get how he knows this if he still can't tell me he loves me.
He said his friends think he loves me (not that that really helps me out!) He said he was willing to go to a relationship counsellor, although that hasn't happened yet.
We've talked about moving in together but I really don't think I can move in with someone who can't tell me he loves me, but at the same time we're both looking to buy places now so buying two places doesn't make sense, but then I also don't want to be financially attached when I don't have more of an emotional commitment from him. I'm not sure what to do. I mean right now I'm really happy so breaking up just seems silly. Maybe I just need to give him more time but I just worry that eventually it'll be 2 years and still no "I love you" yet.....
Any thoughts?
I'm so confused. Maybe you guys will have some insight. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 4 months now. Everything is great between us. We love being together, we have fun together, we get along well, the sex is good. Everything is just great. Except when the topic of "love" comes up. I've told him I love him about 3 times now and I still have yet to hear it back. He says he thinks he does but he's not sure cause it doesn't feel how he remembers.
He hasn't been "in love" for ten years he says so I'm not sure that it would feel the same, or if what he even felt was love then or just emfactuation. He's 32 and I'm 26 by the way. So I mean I've been trying to be really patient with him because everything he does in the way he acts tells me he does love me. Not to mention I've never been so happy in a relationship as I am with him. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and have kids with me and everything but I don't get how he knows this if he still can't tell me he loves me.
He said his friends think he loves me (not that that really helps me out!) He said he was willing to go to a relationship counsellor, although that hasn't happened yet.
We've talked about moving in together but I really don't think I can move in with someone who can't tell me he loves me, but at the same time we're both looking to buy places now so buying two places doesn't make sense, but then I also don't want to be financially attached when I don't have more of an emotional commitment from him. I'm not sure what to do. I mean right now I'm really happy so breaking up just seems silly. Maybe I just need to give him more time but I just worry that eventually it'll be 2 years and still no "I love you" yet.....
Any thoughts?

I think that a year and 4 months is more than enough time for him to figure out whether or not he loves you. What you do is up to you, but I would advise that you don't commit to a man who doesn't know if he loves you.
You deserve a man who loves you with all his heart. Don't accept 2nd best.
It's sounds like a pretty complicated situation. I guess the simpliest I can make it is... do you FEEL loved? Not can you make a list of things that you think indicate that he does love you, but do you really, really FEEL loved? Do you feel cherished and cared for and special?
If you don't then I would have to say it sounds like he cares about you but he doens't love you, at least nto the way you want and deserve to be loved.
Love isn't something you can turn into a pro/con list or that you can make lists of observalable data for. Either you feel it or you don't.
Based on what you've written... the amount of time you've been together, the couple of things you mentioned he said... I would say he likes you a lot, he might even love you as a friend, but there is something misisng to him. He'd like for it not to be he's probably spent a significant amount of time trying to convince himseflf that he does love you or that he should because you're such a great girl. But no matter what he tries he can't quiet shake the feeling that there is something more that's missing.
I've been on both sides of the delimna. I've been the person who is in love and kind of knows that he just doesn't love me back the way I want and need him to and I've been the girl trying to love someone more then I do because I feel like I "should". Neither one is any fun and the only way to get through it is a lot of soul-searching and being brutally hinest with yourself and then being honest with each other.